Day 34 & 35 July 16 &17, 2010

Friday, We once again intended on working on the fence, and once again plans were changed. She was going to take out Missy Mare and ride her and attempt a jump with her. I was up and decided I would finish up drilling holes in the standards. I took a break to watch the jumps, it nice to see her on the horse. After I finished the work I was doing I headed in to shower and get ready to head into the city to finish organizing the office of a now good friend. I had a nice long call with my sponsor and went later than I had intended to the city, but always right on time! We finished up with plenty of time for me to go to the friday night meeting. It is also a good meeting, and now I know the location of the meeting I am speaking at Monday, so I won't get terribly lost. She had been in the city as well and made it to the end of the meeting. Afterwards a giant group of people headed up to what I found out is the usual friday night dinner place. It was delicious and extremely well priced. Once again, there was incredible fellowship, great conversation and tons of fun. I headed back to the house and stopped at the store along the way. I found a cute new pair of sandals 1/2 off only $4! Plus got a few things I needed. I headed back to the house, where everyone was in bed. I did my nightly writing and found out a my friend's dad, who also happens to be a friend died at noon from overdosing on oxycotin. It hit home that we don't all get to get it, and I find this extremely unfair. I suddenly was no longer disillusioned about the fatality of this disease. I feel very strange and grateful that I am here, and worried about my family that I love still in the grips of this horrific disease. I was shocked at how hard his death hit me, and I cried till 4 am. I feel like the amount of sadness I feel is much greater then the relationship we had. I lay in bed and tried to sleep but felt extremely uncomfortable in my skin and got up and wrote and cried over what I was feeling. I didn't wake up until 11:30 this Saturday morning, having once again missed the opportunity to go out and work on the fence. I shared about the loss with my housemate and we talked about my feelings and other such stuff for a good hour. I cried some more, and drank lots of water. She shared with me an incredible analogy that seems to fit perfectly how I feel today: An earthquake just happened in your life and now you will be experiencing aftershocks. It's weird I have these moments of calm, then it hits me that I won't see him in a meeting anymore, or go over to their house for a game of poker and a conversation that is as deep as it could be for him, and I am sad all over again. A sadness that seems to generate from someplace that I can't get to to comfort. I headed out to have my oil changed, because it needed it and there was no point in sitting around the house all day, even though I didn't feel like being a participant in life today. I got to learn how to change my own oil, and that was cool. Then my mechanic took me for a ride on his motorcycle. It was fun. I headed to the house to shower and get ready to head up to the lady from Tai Chi's house for a bbq. I still felt rather strange but I wanted to go and get to know a little more about the ladies in my class. It was really a good experience despite my feeling strange that life was somehow taking place. Bbq was delicious and 2 of the ladies also have auto-immune diseases with dietary restrictions like mine. Its comforting to have people who really know what it's like. It was movie night back at the house, but I missed most of the movie from being at the bbq. We discussed plans for tomorrow and since the night was so beautiful I grabbed my laptop and made a makeshift desk on the porch to update my blog. I got to participate in the women's retreat meeting via speaker phone call and that was way cool. I'm excited for the retreat in August. Its nice here on the patio..I will sit here for a bit longer before I head in for the evening.