3 weeks today and I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm not cut out for the summer fling. I am definitely falling back into old habits of who I'm attracted to. I really thought I'd changed that, but maybe it's true and that can never change. And if that's the case I feel I will be single forever. I really just don't believe in settling. Why is my happiness contingent upon having a relationship? Okay I'm done ranting about this subject for now.
Saturday- filling out paperwork for the new job day. I allowed myself to sleep in till 1 in the afternoon, and dragged myself out of the bed that I never made(how ungrateful!) and lounged around at the house for an hour or so, and then in my sidetrackness got dressed and headed up to the hard rock. There I signed a total of 2 pieces of paper stating that I had seen, and read the job description, and seen and read, and agreed to my hours, pay, etc. Although I felt like it was a waste of a drive, I smiled and politely said I was happy to do it. I am happy to have a steady job, and hopefully I will be able to save some money. Since I was already half way to the city, I decided I would head out to a meeting in the city and run some errands. There was a meeting at 5 and I had plenty of time to make it and get turned around(which I managed to do more than once). The meeting was speaker participation and for the first speaker since we've been here, more was shared about time in recovery then it was on how it was like before. I thought perhaps it was my perception, but after todays meeting and speaking with my Cali friend, realized in fact that it was not. After the meeting I headed up to the Sunflower market to get my good foods, and found new things to try! If only I could get back into fully committed on my eating instead of what I am currently doing, I could possibly feel better about myself. I got back to the house around 9 and found one house mate to be sleeping and the other determining whether or not to go out for the evening. After an otherwise lengthy discussion for the particular decision she decided to go, but not before trying the strawberries that looked and smelled incredible, and tasted as good! And only 2 for $4! That was the grocery find. I shared my excitement over the many wonderous items I had found that I can eat, someone that shares my food limitations would probably share more in my excitement. I enjoyed rediscovering what I had previously discovered as I was putting things away, in a less than orderly fashion than I typically enjoy. I made some dinner and vegged in front of the tv for the better part of an hour before deciding to make deviled eggs for the 4th of July picnic. I love the tv in the kitchen thing. I was able to watch tv while making deviled eggs, which miraculously turned out perfect, even though I forgot I was boiling them. Perhaps I have an internal boiled egg clock that just knew to go off and it was in perfect time! I finished the eggs and headed off to bed, around 1 in the morning. Around 2:30 I was awoken with concern for the "missing" house mate and her dog, who were in fact not missing at all, but had previously left for the evening. I was less than pleasant about being woken from a more than likely restless, anyway sleep. But the questions were posed in yes and no form which made life easy for me, at least for the grumbling out an answer, and the gratitude is unlike sleeping meds I have taken in the past, I remember it occurring. Huh, I just now realized the gratitude in that. If this groggy in the day feeling wears off, or I get more used to it I may actually like this new medicine.
I was awoken by my alarm at 10 after 8 this morning and because the song was only so so found myself easily hitting the snooze. 9 minutes later a song that needed to have singing and dancing accompanying it got me out of bed, where I began my morning ritual for the first time in 3 weeks, which could explain my feeling a little more comfortable in my own skin today, which I also notice leads to a lot less ballzy actions and less flirtations. Perhaps shooken up routine me is more spontaneous? But at what cost? As we were headed out I remembered that I forgot the deviled eggs in the fridge, but luckily we were not to far out of town and turned around to get them. When we arrived at the park, I almost left the eggs in the car, but was reminded about them. Apparently, they were very much out of site, out of mind. One thing I know to be true about deviled eggs is there are never enough. We arrived early and were put to work making sure no one tried to sneak food, and only caught the members of the committee being guilty of such things. I was given the task of selling the apparently incredible iced-coffee, which I was also privy to the secret of what made it so good. I was asked to speak at a meeting at noon on a monday. Apparently it takes 3 weeks to feel a part of and get to know people, and at some point along the way people were actually listening to me. This never ceases to amaze me. I really don't think I share anything all that profound, and while I am aware of my gift of speech, I just feel I am praised disproportionately to what I have shared. Perhaps I downplay my ability of speech and speech comprehension for that matter. I wonder what I could do along the lines of speaking that would generate a hearty income that I would love as much as following my dreams of acting? The picnic was fun, and I knew a lot more people than I thought I did, and a lot more people than I thought were actually watching seemed to know me. The meeting left something to be desired, but the fellowship out here never does! We enjoyed the better part of the afternoon lounging in the park and talking with others. There was a party going on but we decided to head back to the house and kill the evening watching movies, which in fact we did, quite successfully. We watched Superbad, hilarious movie, followed by SLC Punk, very sad movie and finished up with Playing by Heart, a touching movie.
We have made improvements on our day to day living by having things to do in the next two days(when we first got here, thinking past 4 minutes was virtually impossible). Tomorrow we run city errands followed by the incredible Monday night meeting, and Tuesday is shoe shopping at an apparently great shoe store across from a place we are meeting to join the outreach committee for a Tuesday night meeting.
Things here are different and amazingly incredible in their own way. 2 things that in my life thus far are unparalleled here are the clear sky and the fellowship. I definitely do not know what the future has to offer, but I do know that for at least the time I am here there is plenty to be grateful for and in awe of.
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