Monday. Seems so far away since I have been slacking on blogging about my daily adventures. I do remember my phone having died Monday morning, and I never turned it on, just plugged it in. When I turned it on I had a call from work asking if I could come in because they were crazy busy. When asked had I have gone in if I got the message in time by my friend I replied, "I don't really know, but I may have. I'm sure it was God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself." I know we went to the meeting that night, and out to dinner with the group and to karaoke, which was busy because the contest was the next night, but I don't recall doing much else the rest of the day. I remember...I was sitting down to make a picture frame for my co-workers baby shower when my housemate mentioned that she couldn't stand the dog hair, seeing as it is my job, and I am being paid, I swept up the house. I had intended on dusting, but I figured I could dust another day, and work on the floors instead. Which took me up to the time to get ready and go.
Tuesday, having been out later than we normally are due to the busy karaoke, I slept through Tai Chi. I woke up only in enough time to get ready for work. After work I headed out to the karaoke finals even though she already sang, they still hadn't announced the winner and I got to meet a guy she was meeting. I did get to sing so it wasn't a complete waste of a trip! She didn't win, but our "friend" from a previous dead Monday night, who was fabulous got second place, and we were glad, cuz he was incredible! After that I headed home and finished the frame and made deviled eggs for the co-workers baby shower the next day.
Wednesday. It was noted that I was up early. It's weird for me to have people care and love me so much. And so completely wonderful. I am gaining a greater sense of self-love by the constant praise. I am starting to ease up on myself a bit, and trying to see myself through the eyes of these people who appreciate me and see so much value in my attempts. I headed off to the baby shower, held in one of the meeting rooms at work, and was a few minutes late, which turned out to be just fine cuz the guest of honor had completely forgotten. I helped finish the decorating and was thanked and praised for my efforts there. It's strange to me that even at work the things that I do, that I have always done, that seem simple and common place are praised and deeply appreciated. God really knows what He is doing. After the shower I headed into work. It was very busy, which kept the night going by quickly. I went home exhausted and managed to stay up longer than I wanted, but sleep good none-the-less.
Thursday. When my alarm went off this morning I turned it off and was going to sleep through Tai Chi one more day, but 10 minutes later when my calendar reminder in my phone went off, I forced myself out of bed, knowing I could come back to bed when class was over and I really did want to go. I was late, but class hadn't started because there were some women back from vacation so everyone was socializing. The ladies who knew me, remembered that I could not be there because of work and asked me about it. I was touched that they remembered. I was greeted with smiles and gratitude for being able to ask for the days off and be part of the Tai Chi class. I was the only student, so I got the teacher all to myself, once again to be praised for my efforts. I'm hoping I will get used to the praise, but still appreciate it's value. I came home after class feeling much better, and still tired and went straight back to bed till 2 in the afternoon, where I was awoken by the incessant barking of the dogs and the arrival of my unemployment check. I decided I may as well get up and do that dusting I didn't do on Monday. I sat down to eat and was informed that the reason she was originally here has found work here and is coming back home to stay. My initial instinct was to pack up and go home. But to where? with what? and why? After talking to the reason I am here, we made some decisions. For the first time since we've been here, we have a tiny idea. All the rest is in the care of a loving Higher Power and will reveal itself in due time. She is going to stay and see if she can't make a go of her business. The guest house will now get finished and she will move out there. I have been invited to stay as long as I want, and we turned the front of the house into it's own separate apartment. So it's like 2 apartments which share a common kitchen and dining room(well it will be once she moves out to the guest house, but is currently her room). It's actually really neat. I am very happy with my decision to stay until I reach my goal of $3000 in savings and pay off my debt that is not student loans or medical bills. While I don't have a time frame I at least have a goal and it makes me feel less unsure. I find it rather strange, though that for the longest time while in pursuit of my dreams I struggled with the lack of a schedule and steady paycheck, and now that I have them it feels not quite right. Although, I am loving the extreme low-stress of my job, and the complete laid back atmosphere, and supervisors. As for now it's 3am again, and I still haven't made it to bed. That's where I am headed, so I can try and get up a little early and run some errands before work. I have a bunch of stuff to look forward to in the next few weeks. This Saturday is a "Wise Women Workshop," more to come on what that is once I've experienced it. Next week I am house sitting for a friend for four days, taking care of plants and animals, and hanging out in the city. I'm content today.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Day 40-43 July 22-25, 2010
Thursday. I slept through Tai Chi. I had great plans to clean the house and help with the building of the fence but when I woke up my body told me otherwise. I’ve learned how to listen to my body when it tells me it’s not capable of doing anything and it needs a rest, but my head wanted me to believe that because I did not poses the capability of doing anything physical if I wanted to go to work at all the rest of the week that I am useless, worthless, and beyond that fat and ugly. I fall too quickly into depression and it takes way too long to get out of said depression. So my entire day was spent on the sofa mindlessly watching tv. It was probably a much needed day of rest.
Friday. I awoke feeling depleted of my normal energy but had enough to be able to get up and get ready and go to work. Luckily I got to sleep in because I worked at 3pm. I figured since I was thrown on phones the first day I wasn’t going to get much training today either. I was right. It’s been a learn as you go process. Of course, I am a fast learner, and I’ve definitely made some mistakes, and I’m learning from them, and not beating myself up. It’s nice that my boss is aware that I’ve had no training and laughs at the mistakes I’m making. For now, until I get training on the computer systems I am an operator. After training, I will be both a reservation agent and an operator, and will be scheduled according to my strengths. Although I am hoping to remain an operator, I have a feeling I will be an agent. These are my adventures! My co-workers who work as agents currently love me, because I ask people what night they are looking for rooms so if it’s nights I know we are sold out I don’t have to transfer them to reservations for them to say the same things. Apparently this is not done currently, and a revelation. I had to be at work early on Saturday but couldn’t manage to get to bed early.
I woke up tired on Saturday morning and headed to a very busy work day. After work I was speaking at a meeting, and I had not thought about it at all. Every time I did think about it I drew a blank. So I shared my journey through the steps, which took up the 45 minutes and assured the focus be on recovery. I went home, tired but couldn’t sleep.
I had intended on getting up for the best meeting in the world today but when my morning alarm went off it wasn’t going to happen. I still don’t have the energy for all that. I listened to my body and stayed in bed until I had to get up and go to work. As I was finishing up getting ready it started hailing. We are talking real hail, the kind that rips the paint of your car and leaves puddle buckets in the yard. It was suggested to me by the roomies to grab an extra pair of socks and shoes and roll up my pants. I managed to avoid all the puddles, including the one directly next to my car, by standing on the side and crawling in, managing to get the car wet in the process, but kept my feet dry. As soon as I drove out of town the rain let up.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Day 37, 38, 39 July 19, 20, 21, 2010
Monday was crazy day, I literally never had a minute. I woke up shortly before 9 to head into the hard rock for a 10:30am appointment to pick up my badge and get fitted for my uniform. I'm glad I scheduled it at 10:30 because when I got there I had more paperwork to fill out. I left the hardrock and headed to a noon meeting in albuquerque where I was the speaker. I finished sharing exactly on time, never once looking at the clock. It's way cool when that happens. I met someone there from hometown cali, who knew a bunch of people I knew and we talked for a bit. I headed over to a friend in the programs house to clean and cleaned for 4 hours before picking up my roommate at the train station for her home group. After the meeting we went out to dinner at this extremely cheap pizza place, where I had a salad, and decided we rather would have had Flying Star, which is delicious. Then we headed over to karaoke where she was meeting a boy, and I left without her when I was to exhausted to do anymore, besides having to be up early the next day for my first day orientation.
Tuesday I awoke late and arrived late for orientation, luckily I didn't have to reschedule. It was the fastest, least informative orientation I have ever had, and I felt rushed all day. And my evaluation didn't reflect it. Although are trainer was fun, they need to either have a smaller class or split it into 2 days. We really were at orientation all day and then I got to pick up my uniforms and find out my schedule for the week. My uniform came with only one shirt because they were out and had to order some. I still didn't get a swipe card for my department or any log in info, which I will get this Saturday. I came in exhausted but managed to stay up doing nothing for several hours before I crashed around 2am. I didn't have to work till 3pm the next day!
Wednesday I woke up around 11, with an hour 1/2 till my alarm went off and decided to turn over and go back to sleep. I lay in bed for 10 minutes listening to the great music and finally got out of bed. I was feeling very stiff and did 1/2 hour of pilates stretches. I made it out the door on time and made it to work exactly as one of my co-workers did so I got to walk in with her. I got no training, shadowing or anything, just logged in and shown where the departments numbers were and sink or swim. I struggled a bit but by the end of our first big rush of calls I had the hang of the phone system anyway. There's still a lot about the hotel and stuff that will just take time to learn. My shift ended at 11 and the drive home was clear, a perfect warm summer night and I drove home with the windows rolled down and enjoyed. Now I am making some dinner and going to bed for Tai Chi in the morning. I have tomorrow off, and I fully intend on cleaning some of the house.
Tuesday I awoke late and arrived late for orientation, luckily I didn't have to reschedule. It was the fastest, least informative orientation I have ever had, and I felt rushed all day. And my evaluation didn't reflect it. Although are trainer was fun, they need to either have a smaller class or split it into 2 days. We really were at orientation all day and then I got to pick up my uniforms and find out my schedule for the week. My uniform came with only one shirt because they were out and had to order some. I still didn't get a swipe card for my department or any log in info, which I will get this Saturday. I came in exhausted but managed to stay up doing nothing for several hours before I crashed around 2am. I didn't have to work till 3pm the next day!
Wednesday I woke up around 11, with an hour 1/2 till my alarm went off and decided to turn over and go back to sleep. I lay in bed for 10 minutes listening to the great music and finally got out of bed. I was feeling very stiff and did 1/2 hour of pilates stretches. I made it out the door on time and made it to work exactly as one of my co-workers did so I got to walk in with her. I got no training, shadowing or anything, just logged in and shown where the departments numbers were and sink or swim. I struggled a bit but by the end of our first big rush of calls I had the hang of the phone system anyway. There's still a lot about the hotel and stuff that will just take time to learn. My shift ended at 11 and the drive home was clear, a perfect warm summer night and I drove home with the windows rolled down and enjoyed. Now I am making some dinner and going to bed for Tai Chi in the morning. I have tomorrow off, and I fully intend on cleaning some of the house.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Day 36 July 18, 2010
An emotional Sunday. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, due to the grief and sadness of the loss of my friend. I got up a few times and just wrote, at one point I just lay in bed listening to the Zen music channel on the tv. Sleep never really entered the picture. But I lay there, and waited for my alarm to go off and when it did a good song was playing and I just lay in bed and listened to the music and seriously debated getting up and going to the meeting or just stay where I was. Since sleep was out of the question I decided it was a better idea to get up. The meeting was its usual level of amazing and we opted to not go out afterwards. We put on a movie, Gloria. I fell asleep toward the end and when I woke up and was given some choices and I decided I would try and get some more sleep, which didn't work, so I just got up and worked on a craft. Then I headed out to help do some painting on the chicken coup which is being turned into a tack room for the business. Tomorrow is a full day.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Day 34 & 35 July 16 &17, 2010
Friday, We once again intended on working on the fence, and once again plans were changed. She was going to take out Missy Mare and ride her and attempt a jump with her. I was up and decided I would finish up drilling holes in the standards. I took a break to watch the jumps, it nice to see her on the horse. After I finished the work I was doing I headed in to shower and get ready to head into the city to finish organizing the office of a now good friend. I had a nice long call with my sponsor and went later than I had intended to the city, but always right on time! We finished up with plenty of time for me to go to the friday night meeting. It is also a good meeting, and now I know the location of the meeting I am speaking at Monday, so I won't get terribly lost. She had been in the city as well and made it to the end of the meeting. Afterwards a giant group of people headed up to what I found out is the usual friday night dinner place. It was delicious and extremely well priced. Once again, there was incredible fellowship, great conversation and tons of fun. I headed back to the house and stopped at the store along the way. I found a cute new pair of sandals 1/2 off only $4! Plus got a few things I needed. I headed back to the house, where everyone was in bed. I did my nightly writing and found out a my friend's dad, who also happens to be a friend died at noon from overdosing on oxycotin. It hit home that we don't all get to get it, and I find this extremely unfair. I suddenly was no longer disillusioned about the fatality of this disease. I feel very strange and grateful that I am here, and worried about my family that I love still in the grips of this horrific disease. I was shocked at how hard his death hit me, and I cried till 4 am. I feel like the amount of sadness I feel is much greater then the relationship we had. I lay in bed and tried to sleep but felt extremely uncomfortable in my skin and got up and wrote and cried over what I was feeling. I didn't wake up until 11:30 this Saturday morning, having once again missed the opportunity to go out and work on the fence. I shared about the loss with my housemate and we talked about my feelings and other such stuff for a good hour. I cried some more, and drank lots of water. She shared with me an incredible analogy that seems to fit perfectly how I feel today: An earthquake just happened in your life and now you will be experiencing aftershocks. It's weird I have these moments of calm, then it hits me that I won't see him in a meeting anymore, or go over to their house for a game of poker and a conversation that is as deep as it could be for him, and I am sad all over again. A sadness that seems to generate from someplace that I can't get to to comfort. I headed out to have my oil changed, because it needed it and there was no point in sitting around the house all day, even though I didn't feel like being a participant in life today. I got to learn how to change my own oil, and that was cool. Then my mechanic took me for a ride on his motorcycle. It was fun. I headed to the house to shower and get ready to head up to the lady from Tai Chi's house for a bbq. I still felt rather strange but I wanted to go and get to know a little more about the ladies in my class. It was really a good experience despite my feeling strange that life was somehow taking place. Bbq was delicious and 2 of the ladies also have auto-immune diseases with dietary restrictions like mine. Its comforting to have people who really know what it's like. It was movie night back at the house, but I missed most of the movie from being at the bbq. We discussed plans for tomorrow and since the night was so beautiful I grabbed my laptop and made a makeshift desk on the porch to update my blog. I got to participate in the women's retreat meeting via speaker phone call and that was way cool. I'm excited for the retreat in August. Its nice here on the patio..I will sit here for a bit longer before I head in for the evening.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Day 32 & 33 July 14 & 15, 2010
Wednesday-the fence building day. I had intended on getting up at 9 to help build the fence between the riding arena and the field. I was apparently not receptive to being awoken at quarter till 9. I awoke at 10, and didn't hear any one and automatically assumed they were out building the fence. They were not, it's just an adobe house so sound does not travel. I discovered that they had postponed fence building to get better materials. I went back to bed for another hour just because I could. I had an appointment at hard rock at 2 to get my "gaming license" which is the same as the sheriffs card I already have from Vegas. We went through my application only to be told that all they have to do is request my card from Vegas and when they get that which should be Monday I can go to orientation. That only took an hour so my thought of hitting of 5 meeting in the city didn't work out, which was okay. I headed back to the house and decided to make a pizza with the pizza crust that I can eat. I went to roll out the dough only to discover the house does not own a rolling pin. I finally understood the concept of borrowing a cup of sugar from your neighbor(cuz when you live in a small town, quite a ways from the store it's easier to go to the neighbors house) and I headed next door to borrow a rolling pin. I made the best pizza ever with spinach and mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes, mounds of cheese and roasted garlic. I was surprised at how good the crust was. And even the real pizza eaters in the house said while you could tell a difference it was good. But I was just happy to finally have a pizza crust I could eat that didn't make me compromise some of the ingredients just to enjoy it. After my pizza feast, I took a run at the field with the tractor. When I started the horses stayed close, I was making small circles and they would stay within the circle only taking a step back when I moved my circle down the field. About half way down, they had enough and ran into the grassy area. They are fun to watch. After that was finished I helped drill holes in the standards, for the jumps(horse jumping terms). I did not enjoy the process of putting the patterns on the jumps, but I did like the drilling part. The patterns were done for me and I began drilling. I drilled late into the night, until my hand hurt and I decided that was a good stopping point. I left only 8 standards left to drill(I think), so I put a good dent in the work that needed to be done. I am very good with power tools. Some of the skills I have, I have no idea where they came from and how I got to be so good at them. And I still wonder why I doubt some of my abilities, such as drilling. There is something wonderful about using a power tool. I came in from the day, covered in dust, dirt, and sweat exhausted and took a shower and headed to bed.
I awoke early enough this morning to make it to Tai Chi on time and still managed to be late. I'm not sure how I am so good at that. Luckily its only into a few arm warm ups, so I don't miss too much. Next week I am going to make more of an effort to be on time. I love Tai Chi, when I leave here I will have to be sure and continue Tai Chi. It combines my love of yoga with the serenity of deep restful meditation and as an added bonus is an excellent work out without the cardio, sweaty burn. Plus it's so beautiful and graceful so it incorporates the best parts of ballet that I miss, without the hard-work of ballet. After class I headed to the house to change clothes and eat breakfast and head out to the city to go help a friend organize her office. I remarked to myself in the car out there today how the fellowship has carried me since I got here. It is truly extraordinary. It was once again proven to me that looks can be deceiving. Where I was expecting to find chaos and disorder, I actually saw very little, but when I dove into the work it was mounds of things that made no orderly sense and needed help. We managed to organize her current work project, which was a big task and I got the filing cabinet cleaned and organized, which made filing the piles I had created at my feet much easier. I was surprised to find that I had been working for 5 hours and still had not finished, but I'm hoping put a significant dent in the big picture. I headed out the the meeting I was speaking at and grabbed my roomie from the bust stop on the way. I was intimidated a little by the podium and the amount of people in the room but I peed and prayed and opened my mouth and shared about me and my journey. Others said I did well but of course I know there were things I missed that I wanted to say, and I'm speaking twice more so maybe I'll get to them. I know the message was carried, because the women whose life I touched came up and shared with me afterwards. I never know what to say when people thank me, and tell me how I touched their lives or ask me questions about things I have no authority or opinion just personal experience. I say your welcome, my pleasure, and absolutely a lot, and share my experience to the best of my ability. Of course, we went out to fellowship afterwards, to Standard diner which had sweet potato fries and I ordered at the recommendation of a friend who has similar food tastes as me the quinoa stuffed acorn squash. It was delicious! We came in and I topped off my night with some green tea ice cream made by Haagen-Daz, the only ice cream you can find with only natural ingredients! Tomorrow is when we, hopefully finish the fence. Goodnight for now. I still don't know what the future has in store, and I am totally and utterly more than okay with it, even blissful.
I awoke early enough this morning to make it to Tai Chi on time and still managed to be late. I'm not sure how I am so good at that. Luckily its only into a few arm warm ups, so I don't miss too much. Next week I am going to make more of an effort to be on time. I love Tai Chi, when I leave here I will have to be sure and continue Tai Chi. It combines my love of yoga with the serenity of deep restful meditation and as an added bonus is an excellent work out without the cardio, sweaty burn. Plus it's so beautiful and graceful so it incorporates the best parts of ballet that I miss, without the hard-work of ballet. After class I headed to the house to change clothes and eat breakfast and head out to the city to go help a friend organize her office. I remarked to myself in the car out there today how the fellowship has carried me since I got here. It is truly extraordinary. It was once again proven to me that looks can be deceiving. Where I was expecting to find chaos and disorder, I actually saw very little, but when I dove into the work it was mounds of things that made no orderly sense and needed help. We managed to organize her current work project, which was a big task and I got the filing cabinet cleaned and organized, which made filing the piles I had created at my feet much easier. I was surprised to find that I had been working for 5 hours and still had not finished, but I'm hoping put a significant dent in the big picture. I headed out the the meeting I was speaking at and grabbed my roomie from the bust stop on the way. I was intimidated a little by the podium and the amount of people in the room but I peed and prayed and opened my mouth and shared about me and my journey. Others said I did well but of course I know there were things I missed that I wanted to say, and I'm speaking twice more so maybe I'll get to them. I know the message was carried, because the women whose life I touched came up and shared with me afterwards. I never know what to say when people thank me, and tell me how I touched their lives or ask me questions about things I have no authority or opinion just personal experience. I say your welcome, my pleasure, and absolutely a lot, and share my experience to the best of my ability. Of course, we went out to fellowship afterwards, to Standard diner which had sweet potato fries and I ordered at the recommendation of a friend who has similar food tastes as me the quinoa stuffed acorn squash. It was delicious! We came in and I topped off my night with some green tea ice cream made by Haagen-Daz, the only ice cream you can find with only natural ingredients! Tomorrow is when we, hopefully finish the fence. Goodnight for now. I still don't know what the future has in store, and I am totally and utterly more than okay with it, even blissful.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Day 30 & 31 July 12 & 13, 2010
Monday started bright and early at 6:30 am after going to bed around 2 and not getting to fall asleep, just listening to the thoughts racing in the head and checking the clock every hour hoping by some miracle that time had not gone by and I had slept. I did get the blessing of my morning routine and headed off the the clinic to apply for county insurance benefits, only to find out that I could not qualify even with needing medication and having pre-existing conditions that need to be treated because I did not live in that county. They had previously extended benefits to other surrounding counties who do not have their own hospital/large health care facility(such as the town I am living in), and apparently were no longer doing this. I asked the lady why they kept pushing me to make that appointment if that was the case. Her response was cuz the workers did not know about that restriction. It seems to me to be information that should be shared so as not to waste time, mine and hers. Efficiency is not how they run things in that particular clinic. I notice that efficiency isn't necessarily how most of the world runs things. I digress, again. When I first arrived at the clinic I was informed that they were running behind. They were by 15 minutes but I was 15 minutes early so I was left in the waiting room for 1/2 hour with nothing to do. Having forgot to grab my book from the house because I had received a phone call from a friend while I was on my way out the door and was paying more attention to the call then to remembering to grab the book which had not made it to the pile of information I did grab, I just sat. After that appointment I was perfectly on time for checking in to meet with my counselor. After waiting 16 minutes past my appointment time, 36 total from check in time I told the receptionist as is instructs on various signs around the building. She paged him and he arrived shortly and apologized, which I accepted, although in my head prior I was not accepting of his tardy behavior. I did mention something about it while complaining about having been made to wait earlier that morning and he offered to make more of an effort when I have an appointment to be available. I like that! It was a very good session and once again I was sent home with an assignment, of my choosing. I left there and headed into town where I stopped at the grocery store, I decided I would try Albertsons this trip instead of Smiths and discovered that I really like the Albertsons here, so that is where I will continue my future grocery shopping. Fascinating, I know! I found some more new amazing foods that I can eat 2 things for which I am very excited granola cereal with chocolate chunks and a gluten free(and all the other ingredients I can't eat free) pizza crust! I have yet to try either of my new finds. I had intended on coming in and taking a nap, but after eating lunch(also necessary) I sat down in front of my computer and such nap never transpired. We left a little earlier than usual to make the meeting which she is doing the literature commitment for(hence the leaving early). The meeting, which is the 2nd best meeting in town, after the best meeting in the world, was excellent. We headed off to fellowship with a large group after the meeting to The Flying Star a short walk away, and had great food and great conversation! There was a friend of a friend in from La and I managed my best shameless flirting while still being polite. I imagine it was quite the entertainment for my table companions. Did I mention the food was great! After fabulous food and equally magnificent conversation we headed off to our favorite karaoke spot. There was a super-cool guy, more than likely gay, there just having a great time. There were a rotation of 5-6 singers, busier than their usual Monday night. It was a good time though. We called it an early night for the all-nighters, but the usual end time to our Monday night escapades and headed on back to the farm, where I honored my commitment to myself and my counselor to do 15 minute minimum journaling plus the other more specified work I am working on, which I was at a 1/2 hour minimum writing assignment. Exhausted I set the alarm, looking forward to trying Tai Chi in the morning, hit the pillow and slept soundly till the alarm told me otherwise.
I awoke this morning refreshed and looking forward to trying something new. I got up brushed my teeth, washed my face, threw on some comfy/workout clothes, grabbed a banana and a granola bar(your metabolism doesn't start unless you put food in it) and head down the road(only 6 miles) to the free Tai Chi! I arrived a few minutes late but only into the warm ups and was warmly greeted by 10 older ladies, making sure I was there for Tai Chi, instructing me on what to do, asking me questions about where I was from and how I heard about it, and so forth. It was a lot to take in so early in the morning(10am). One women whom I stood next to in the circle smiled and quipped that she was no longer the youngest person in the room. I would place her in her late 30s early 40s and she was being generous with her statement. We did probably 45 minutes of warm up plus I'm estimating a 10-20 minute meditation to relax you and prepare you for Tai Chi, which did you know is actually a martial art? Then one of the two instructors came up to me to let me know the format for the rest of the class. Everyone goes through one round together and then the beginners are shown by the second instructor the routine while those who know it do it while the first instructor watches for correct form, etc. She let me know that I could watch the first round if I wanted or just jump in and try. Well, of course, I had to jump in and try. When we broke into groups the class started asking if I was sure I'd never done any Tai Chi before and couldn't seem to believe that I hadn't. They seemed to be content that I followed along rather well because I had previous dance experience. Apparently, dance always stays with you in your movement. I really enjoyed the class and I'm looking forward to going back again Thursday, and all the rest of the summer. I came in fairly exhausted from having done seemingly little(thats what if feels like when you are doing it but it is an excellent workout) with intentions on cleaning or accomplishing something and ended up making a few phone calls, which took longer than anticipated. After lunch I brought in some poles, for the jumps, to paint. There was no way I was painting outside in the 99 degree heat of the afternoon today! I finished 2 poles with some time to spare before I needed to get ready to headed out to the local meeting. I filled the time with a phone call from a very good friend and then a call to my mom. I had intended the call to my mom to be fairly short, but that never happens with us. It's nice being so close with my mom. I just wish we could talk more often but neither of our schedules permit such time, at least we get to text often! After getting off the phone with my mom it was time for me to get ready to go. I shared experience on the reading, which was a tradition. And while its not a great meeting, its also not an awful meeting and it still does the trick for me. Besides I got a chance to talk with my new mechanic, who is going to teach me how to change my own oil on Saturday! I am really looking forward to that. After the meeting I decided to explore more of the neighboring town only to find that things close up early around here, stopped at the store to grab a few everyday things and found a supplement I've been looking for at a decent price for a while and was very excited about that. For my first time, I passed the house on the way home, because I was coming in from a different way than usual and there are no good landmarks. Although I saw it right as I passed it so it wasn't a total loss, just a mild amusement. I came in and fixed a bowl of yummy butternut squash soup and a small chicken salad for dinner, sat down and watched the last 1/4 of the blindside and looked into more acting stuff out here, submitted my headshot and resume to a few casting calls and honored my commitment to my counselor and myself and decided that even though it would be late going to bed and I need to get up in the morning to help build a fence I wanted to update my adventure blog because tomorrow will be another full day, and 3 days updates is just a little too much. Although I have been tired since I started my writing several hours ago. Now I am off to hopefully get some quality sleep in the time I do have so I can have some energy for the rest of my full week!
It's going to be an incredible summer.
I awoke this morning refreshed and looking forward to trying something new. I got up brushed my teeth, washed my face, threw on some comfy/workout clothes, grabbed a banana and a granola bar(your metabolism doesn't start unless you put food in it) and head down the road(only 6 miles) to the free Tai Chi! I arrived a few minutes late but only into the warm ups and was warmly greeted by 10 older ladies, making sure I was there for Tai Chi, instructing me on what to do, asking me questions about where I was from and how I heard about it, and so forth. It was a lot to take in so early in the morning(10am). One women whom I stood next to in the circle smiled and quipped that she was no longer the youngest person in the room. I would place her in her late 30s early 40s and she was being generous with her statement. We did probably 45 minutes of warm up plus I'm estimating a 10-20 minute meditation to relax you and prepare you for Tai Chi, which did you know is actually a martial art? Then one of the two instructors came up to me to let me know the format for the rest of the class. Everyone goes through one round together and then the beginners are shown by the second instructor the routine while those who know it do it while the first instructor watches for correct form, etc. She let me know that I could watch the first round if I wanted or just jump in and try. Well, of course, I had to jump in and try. When we broke into groups the class started asking if I was sure I'd never done any Tai Chi before and couldn't seem to believe that I hadn't. They seemed to be content that I followed along rather well because I had previous dance experience. Apparently, dance always stays with you in your movement. I really enjoyed the class and I'm looking forward to going back again Thursday, and all the rest of the summer. I came in fairly exhausted from having done seemingly little(thats what if feels like when you are doing it but it is an excellent workout) with intentions on cleaning or accomplishing something and ended up making a few phone calls, which took longer than anticipated. After lunch I brought in some poles, for the jumps, to paint. There was no way I was painting outside in the 99 degree heat of the afternoon today! I finished 2 poles with some time to spare before I needed to get ready to headed out to the local meeting. I filled the time with a phone call from a very good friend and then a call to my mom. I had intended the call to my mom to be fairly short, but that never happens with us. It's nice being so close with my mom. I just wish we could talk more often but neither of our schedules permit such time, at least we get to text often! After getting off the phone with my mom it was time for me to get ready to go. I shared experience on the reading, which was a tradition. And while its not a great meeting, its also not an awful meeting and it still does the trick for me. Besides I got a chance to talk with my new mechanic, who is going to teach me how to change my own oil on Saturday! I am really looking forward to that. After the meeting I decided to explore more of the neighboring town only to find that things close up early around here, stopped at the store to grab a few everyday things and found a supplement I've been looking for at a decent price for a while and was very excited about that. For my first time, I passed the house on the way home, because I was coming in from a different way than usual and there are no good landmarks. Although I saw it right as I passed it so it wasn't a total loss, just a mild amusement. I came in and fixed a bowl of yummy butternut squash soup and a small chicken salad for dinner, sat down and watched the last 1/4 of the blindside and looked into more acting stuff out here, submitted my headshot and resume to a few casting calls and honored my commitment to my counselor and myself and decided that even though it would be late going to bed and I need to get up in the morning to help build a fence I wanted to update my adventure blog because tomorrow will be another full day, and 3 days updates is just a little too much. Although I have been tired since I started my writing several hours ago. Now I am off to hopefully get some quality sleep in the time I do have so I can have some energy for the rest of my full week!
It's going to be an incredible summer.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Day 29 July 11, 2010
Wow, it's almost been a month, crazy.
Today was remarkably peaceful.
I awoke at a little after 8 and did my fabulous morning routine, I like when my morning starts with it's routine, it puts the day right. We headed out a little later than we should have for the meeting and as such had no place to sit when we got there, but a guy reading one of the readings, when he was done went out to his car and got 2 chairs, which was very sweet. The meeting is officially the best meeting in the whole wide world!
We stopped at petsmart to pick up a collar for the "little man" as he's referred and looked at getting some koi, which they did not have but happily sent us across the street to petco, who did in fact have koi. We got 2 fishes for the water troughs which has 2 goldfish and one pocastamus each already. This helps keep the troughs clean. We arrived back to the house and I crawled onto the bed turned on the zen music station and i guess not so surprisingly took a nap. I awoke somewhere around quarter to 5, grabbed a quick bite to eat and sat down to work on my project. I put on my meditation station and had a lovely, serene time working on my arts and crafts. I was very grateful for having to take some time for me to just work on that. I got my new mexico state id in the mail. So now i can say i officially lived here. We looked at the barn and chicken coupe and picnic table and chairs which have been being painted by the lady of the house who is working her butt off around here. It looks amazing, an incredible business is being built here: Independent C Farms(http://www.independentcfarms.com/ or on facebook http://www.facebook.com/independent.c.farms), and I'm proud to be a part of even if its just a tiny part for this short summer adventure of mine. It is nice to help a friend. At times I can't help but wondering if it was the right thing to do, and I am assured by that voice I know is the God of my understanding telling me it is. I feel it every day as I live just for today, for the first time ever. I am still blown away by this. I am looking at the past to heal from it and not wondering/dreading/worrying/in the future at all. I'm just here today, everyday. I believe I was brought here for a reason, and only once I have moved on I will know what that reason was, or perhaps I may never know. I am just taking the next indicated step everyday and experiencing a fullness and richness of life my eyes had never been open to before. I am learning more about myself here than I have in a while and realizing that I have a lot of work to do and seeing truly what a positive environment feels and looks like. I digress.
After our tour of the business that's coming along we headed inside, I fixed some dinner and sat down to watch twilight, which was missing and ended up putting on new moon, instead. I don't think I sat still long enough to watch more than 10 minutes at a time, but the parts I was sitting down watching are so intense. I had seen it before. I'm waiting for eclipse to come out on video before I watch it. The rest of the house went to bed and I did my usual stay up and watch a little more tv and go online. I really should be getting some shut eye, I have to be up in 7 hours for a very busy day tomorrow. Perhaps the medication would work, if I took it.
Today was remarkably peaceful.
I awoke at a little after 8 and did my fabulous morning routine, I like when my morning starts with it's routine, it puts the day right. We headed out a little later than we should have for the meeting and as such had no place to sit when we got there, but a guy reading one of the readings, when he was done went out to his car and got 2 chairs, which was very sweet. The meeting is officially the best meeting in the whole wide world!
We stopped at petsmart to pick up a collar for the "little man" as he's referred and looked at getting some koi, which they did not have but happily sent us across the street to petco, who did in fact have koi. We got 2 fishes for the water troughs which has 2 goldfish and one pocastamus each already. This helps keep the troughs clean. We arrived back to the house and I crawled onto the bed turned on the zen music station and i guess not so surprisingly took a nap. I awoke somewhere around quarter to 5, grabbed a quick bite to eat and sat down to work on my project. I put on my meditation station and had a lovely, serene time working on my arts and crafts. I was very grateful for having to take some time for me to just work on that. I got my new mexico state id in the mail. So now i can say i officially lived here. We looked at the barn and chicken coupe and picnic table and chairs which have been being painted by the lady of the house who is working her butt off around here. It looks amazing, an incredible business is being built here: Independent C Farms(http://www.independentcfarms.com/ or on facebook http://www.facebook.com/independent.c.farms), and I'm proud to be a part of even if its just a tiny part for this short summer adventure of mine. It is nice to help a friend. At times I can't help but wondering if it was the right thing to do, and I am assured by that voice I know is the God of my understanding telling me it is. I feel it every day as I live just for today, for the first time ever. I am still blown away by this. I am looking at the past to heal from it and not wondering/dreading/worrying/in the future at all. I'm just here today, everyday. I believe I was brought here for a reason, and only once I have moved on I will know what that reason was, or perhaps I may never know. I am just taking the next indicated step everyday and experiencing a fullness and richness of life my eyes had never been open to before. I am learning more about myself here than I have in a while and realizing that I have a lot of work to do and seeing truly what a positive environment feels and looks like. I digress.
After our tour of the business that's coming along we headed inside, I fixed some dinner and sat down to watch twilight, which was missing and ended up putting on new moon, instead. I don't think I sat still long enough to watch more than 10 minutes at a time, but the parts I was sitting down watching are so intense. I had seen it before. I'm waiting for eclipse to come out on video before I watch it. The rest of the house went to bed and I did my usual stay up and watch a little more tv and go online. I really should be getting some shut eye, I have to be up in 7 hours for a very busy day tomorrow. Perhaps the medication would work, if I took it.
Day 26 & 27 July 9 &10, 2010
After finally diving back into my self-reflection on a particularly difficult area for me on the evening of the 8th, I was left feeling rather down, and could not manage to get out of my pjs all day on the 9th. No matter how much I wanted to do anything my greatest will could not force me to get off the couch(which was a move made late in the afternoon from the bed), and of course I did not ask a power greater than myself for help as it completely skipped my mind in all my despair. Not wanting to repeat said despair but still wanting to keep the commitment I made to myself to work on this horrifying topic nightly as I suggest others in my life do the same, I asked my higher power for courage and strength and found the work just a tad less overbearing than the previous night, and was actually able to get out of bed, and pajamas, and even accomplish certain tasks today!
I did wake up relatively late in the morning, since it was just after noon when I finally woke up. The first thing I did was shower in order to stay out of any lingering despair. Along with came my morning meditation. I sat down to breakfast and did work on my gaming application for my new job at the hard rock! It's quite the grueling application, but all I have left is 10 years back work history. All the while I was baking chicken for the evenings Italian themed dinner party. At about 1/2 hour till I needed to leave and well past having enough time to go run the tractor(and we put it off one more day) I began cooking pasta that I could eat and getting ready for the evenings festivities. I was one of the first to arrive and got to meet new people. The party was fun, and laid back and had lots of great food, even things I could eat! The sky and fellowship here are unmatched. There is just simply nothing like it anywhere I've ever been. Although there is something about knowing that I am here temporarily that may add a little magic to my daily incredible encounters. There is something strangely serene in knowing for the first time ever I am truly living and enjoying just for today. I left the happenings around 11 not the first to go and not the last either. I came in and watered the very thirsty hanging plants, and had a very lovely chat with an incredibly sexy man back home and am realizing now that in 1/2 hour I will get 6 hours of sleep for the meeting tomorrow and I still want to do my at least 15 minutes of work. With that said, off to bedroom I go.
I did wake up relatively late in the morning, since it was just after noon when I finally woke up. The first thing I did was shower in order to stay out of any lingering despair. Along with came my morning meditation. I sat down to breakfast and did work on my gaming application for my new job at the hard rock! It's quite the grueling application, but all I have left is 10 years back work history. All the while I was baking chicken for the evenings Italian themed dinner party. At about 1/2 hour till I needed to leave and well past having enough time to go run the tractor(and we put it off one more day) I began cooking pasta that I could eat and getting ready for the evenings festivities. I was one of the first to arrive and got to meet new people. The party was fun, and laid back and had lots of great food, even things I could eat! The sky and fellowship here are unmatched. There is just simply nothing like it anywhere I've ever been. Although there is something about knowing that I am here temporarily that may add a little magic to my daily incredible encounters. There is something strangely serene in knowing for the first time ever I am truly living and enjoying just for today. I left the happenings around 11 not the first to go and not the last either. I came in and watered the very thirsty hanging plants, and had a very lovely chat with an incredibly sexy man back home and am realizing now that in 1/2 hour I will get 6 hours of sleep for the meeting tomorrow and I still want to do my at least 15 minutes of work. With that said, off to bedroom I go.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Day 24 & 25 July 7 & 8, 2010
July 7 was a waste, and a complete success because that was my intention. Although I did do some personal grooming, so I didn't manage to spend the whole day doing nothing. But I didn't ever get out of my pjs!
Today, however was go, go go from the minute my alarm wanted me up at 8am. I didn't actually get out of bed till 10:30 this morning. So I made it to the hard rock human service department around noon thirty where I was informed I would need to take a drug test that day. I hope I pass. Tehe. The clinic in town was closed from 1-2 for lunch. On my way back into town I stopped at a couple stores that had previously caught my interest, and spent nothing. I went early to the clinic, but so had 4 other people. I was actually the first on the list for a drug screen and was out of there relatively quickly. I headed back to the house where I grabbed some lunch and a moment or two of veg time before we headed off to the city to go to Michaels and the meeting where she was speaking this week and I am speaking next week. I found some cool stuff at Michaels for my assignment from my counselor. I am looking forward to working on it. Then off to the meeting we went, to make it just in the nic of time. I headed out to fellowship with others, always a fun thing to do out here. I had a great time helping make home made pizza, sadly no gluten free crusts, this time, for me! But next time, our chef does know how to make gluten free crust, yay! Back to the house I headed. I had a chat with a friend back home which made me realize I have some self-work to be doing. And why can't I put in 15 minutes every night? I can, starting as soon as I finish this. With the creative time, self-discovery, meetings, fellowship, and what not when will there be time left to work? Yet, somehow I always get it all in.
While I did not do a lot today, it felt very full. I'm glad for the day, and look forward to, Saturday actually.
Today, however was go, go go from the minute my alarm wanted me up at 8am. I didn't actually get out of bed till 10:30 this morning. So I made it to the hard rock human service department around noon thirty where I was informed I would need to take a drug test that day. I hope I pass. Tehe. The clinic in town was closed from 1-2 for lunch. On my way back into town I stopped at a couple stores that had previously caught my interest, and spent nothing. I went early to the clinic, but so had 4 other people. I was actually the first on the list for a drug screen and was out of there relatively quickly. I headed back to the house where I grabbed some lunch and a moment or two of veg time before we headed off to the city to go to Michaels and the meeting where she was speaking this week and I am speaking next week. I found some cool stuff at Michaels for my assignment from my counselor. I am looking forward to working on it. Then off to the meeting we went, to make it just in the nic of time. I headed out to fellowship with others, always a fun thing to do out here. I had a great time helping make home made pizza, sadly no gluten free crusts, this time, for me! But next time, our chef does know how to make gluten free crust, yay! Back to the house I headed. I had a chat with a friend back home which made me realize I have some self-work to be doing. And why can't I put in 15 minutes every night? I can, starting as soon as I finish this. With the creative time, self-discovery, meetings, fellowship, and what not when will there be time left to work? Yet, somehow I always get it all in.
While I did not do a lot today, it felt very full. I'm glad for the day, and look forward to, Saturday actually.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Day 23 July 6, 2010
Lazy day. I awoke a little before 1 this afternoon, and went to begin a day of laziness, but decided the glass cupboard needed reorganizing. Since I was on a organizing kick I decided to unpack the last of my stuff, some books movies and journals. I got all but one small box done. Then I vegged the rest of the day. So much for an exciting adventure today. Some days just have to be lazy days.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Day 22 July 5, 2010
Happy July 5!
I woke to an empty house somewhere around later than 11 but earlier than early afternoon, only to get bit by a clean the kitchen bug, which I did. That pretty much drained me of any energy I may have had. My head, instead of being proud of what I had done, went straight to looking at the things that still could use some cleaning and I lacked the ability to be proud of myself all day, even when I state aloud that I chose to just be proud of what I did. No one, and I mean no one was telling me I didn't do enough and there was still more, in fact they told me the kitchen looked and smelled great. I am starting to really understand what kind of damage is inflicted upon a child when they are not encouraged, when there best is not ever good enough, and there is always better. Maybe that is why I am so attracted to theater since there is always better. It is it's own twisted sadism somehow.
After I cleaned the kitchen, I ate breakfast and got in the shower and chilled for a bit. I made some lunch before we headed in to town to go to costco for tp and pt(paper towels). Costco was dead, and very strange, and it is apparently that quiet all the time. We headed off to the incredible meeting and off to bbq dinner.
Just another ordinary day. I guess not everyday can be an adventure.
I woke to an empty house somewhere around later than 11 but earlier than early afternoon, only to get bit by a clean the kitchen bug, which I did. That pretty much drained me of any energy I may have had. My head, instead of being proud of what I had done, went straight to looking at the things that still could use some cleaning and I lacked the ability to be proud of myself all day, even when I state aloud that I chose to just be proud of what I did. No one, and I mean no one was telling me I didn't do enough and there was still more, in fact they told me the kitchen looked and smelled great. I am starting to really understand what kind of damage is inflicted upon a child when they are not encouraged, when there best is not ever good enough, and there is always better. Maybe that is why I am so attracted to theater since there is always better. It is it's own twisted sadism somehow.
After I cleaned the kitchen, I ate breakfast and got in the shower and chilled for a bit. I made some lunch before we headed in to town to go to costco for tp and pt(paper towels). Costco was dead, and very strange, and it is apparently that quiet all the time. We headed off to the incredible meeting and off to bbq dinner.
Just another ordinary day. I guess not everyday can be an adventure.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Day 20, 21 July 3 and 4, 2010
3 weeks today and I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm not cut out for the summer fling. I am definitely falling back into old habits of who I'm attracted to. I really thought I'd changed that, but maybe it's true and that can never change. And if that's the case I feel I will be single forever. I really just don't believe in settling. Why is my happiness contingent upon having a relationship? Okay I'm done ranting about this subject for now.
Saturday- filling out paperwork for the new job day. I allowed myself to sleep in till 1 in the afternoon, and dragged myself out of the bed that I never made(how ungrateful!) and lounged around at the house for an hour or so, and then in my sidetrackness got dressed and headed up to the hard rock. There I signed a total of 2 pieces of paper stating that I had seen, and read the job description, and seen and read, and agreed to my hours, pay, etc. Although I felt like it was a waste of a drive, I smiled and politely said I was happy to do it. I am happy to have a steady job, and hopefully I will be able to save some money. Since I was already half way to the city, I decided I would head out to a meeting in the city and run some errands. There was a meeting at 5 and I had plenty of time to make it and get turned around(which I managed to do more than once). The meeting was speaker participation and for the first speaker since we've been here, more was shared about time in recovery then it was on how it was like before. I thought perhaps it was my perception, but after todays meeting and speaking with my Cali friend, realized in fact that it was not. After the meeting I headed up to the Sunflower market to get my good foods, and found new things to try! If only I could get back into fully committed on my eating instead of what I am currently doing, I could possibly feel better about myself. I got back to the house around 9 and found one house mate to be sleeping and the other determining whether or not to go out for the evening. After an otherwise lengthy discussion for the particular decision she decided to go, but not before trying the strawberries that looked and smelled incredible, and tasted as good! And only 2 for $4! That was the grocery find. I shared my excitement over the many wonderous items I had found that I can eat, someone that shares my food limitations would probably share more in my excitement. I enjoyed rediscovering what I had previously discovered as I was putting things away, in a less than orderly fashion than I typically enjoy. I made some dinner and vegged in front of the tv for the better part of an hour before deciding to make deviled eggs for the 4th of July picnic. I love the tv in the kitchen thing. I was able to watch tv while making deviled eggs, which miraculously turned out perfect, even though I forgot I was boiling them. Perhaps I have an internal boiled egg clock that just knew to go off and it was in perfect time! I finished the eggs and headed off to bed, around 1 in the morning. Around 2:30 I was awoken with concern for the "missing" house mate and her dog, who were in fact not missing at all, but had previously left for the evening. I was less than pleasant about being woken from a more than likely restless, anyway sleep. But the questions were posed in yes and no form which made life easy for me, at least for the grumbling out an answer, and the gratitude is unlike sleeping meds I have taken in the past, I remember it occurring. Huh, I just now realized the gratitude in that. If this groggy in the day feeling wears off, or I get more used to it I may actually like this new medicine.
I was awoken by my alarm at 10 after 8 this morning and because the song was only so so found myself easily hitting the snooze. 9 minutes later a song that needed to have singing and dancing accompanying it got me out of bed, where I began my morning ritual for the first time in 3 weeks, which could explain my feeling a little more comfortable in my own skin today, which I also notice leads to a lot less ballzy actions and less flirtations. Perhaps shooken up routine me is more spontaneous? But at what cost? As we were headed out I remembered that I forgot the deviled eggs in the fridge, but luckily we were not to far out of town and turned around to get them. When we arrived at the park, I almost left the eggs in the car, but was reminded about them. Apparently, they were very much out of site, out of mind. One thing I know to be true about deviled eggs is there are never enough. We arrived early and were put to work making sure no one tried to sneak food, and only caught the members of the committee being guilty of such things. I was given the task of selling the apparently incredible iced-coffee, which I was also privy to the secret of what made it so good. I was asked to speak at a meeting at noon on a monday. Apparently it takes 3 weeks to feel a part of and get to know people, and at some point along the way people were actually listening to me. This never ceases to amaze me. I really don't think I share anything all that profound, and while I am aware of my gift of speech, I just feel I am praised disproportionately to what I have shared. Perhaps I downplay my ability of speech and speech comprehension for that matter. I wonder what I could do along the lines of speaking that would generate a hearty income that I would love as much as following my dreams of acting? The picnic was fun, and I knew a lot more people than I thought I did, and a lot more people than I thought were actually watching seemed to know me. The meeting left something to be desired, but the fellowship out here never does! We enjoyed the better part of the afternoon lounging in the park and talking with others. There was a party going on but we decided to head back to the house and kill the evening watching movies, which in fact we did, quite successfully. We watched Superbad, hilarious movie, followed by SLC Punk, very sad movie and finished up with Playing by Heart, a touching movie.
We have made improvements on our day to day living by having things to do in the next two days(when we first got here, thinking past 4 minutes was virtually impossible). Tomorrow we run city errands followed by the incredible Monday night meeting, and Tuesday is shoe shopping at an apparently great shoe store across from a place we are meeting to join the outreach committee for a Tuesday night meeting.
Things here are different and amazingly incredible in their own way. 2 things that in my life thus far are unparalleled here are the clear sky and the fellowship. I definitely do not know what the future has to offer, but I do know that for at least the time I am here there is plenty to be grateful for and in awe of.
Saturday- filling out paperwork for the new job day. I allowed myself to sleep in till 1 in the afternoon, and dragged myself out of the bed that I never made(how ungrateful!) and lounged around at the house for an hour or so, and then in my sidetrackness got dressed and headed up to the hard rock. There I signed a total of 2 pieces of paper stating that I had seen, and read the job description, and seen and read, and agreed to my hours, pay, etc. Although I felt like it was a waste of a drive, I smiled and politely said I was happy to do it. I am happy to have a steady job, and hopefully I will be able to save some money. Since I was already half way to the city, I decided I would head out to a meeting in the city and run some errands. There was a meeting at 5 and I had plenty of time to make it and get turned around(which I managed to do more than once). The meeting was speaker participation and for the first speaker since we've been here, more was shared about time in recovery then it was on how it was like before. I thought perhaps it was my perception, but after todays meeting and speaking with my Cali friend, realized in fact that it was not. After the meeting I headed up to the Sunflower market to get my good foods, and found new things to try! If only I could get back into fully committed on my eating instead of what I am currently doing, I could possibly feel better about myself. I got back to the house around 9 and found one house mate to be sleeping and the other determining whether or not to go out for the evening. After an otherwise lengthy discussion for the particular decision she decided to go, but not before trying the strawberries that looked and smelled incredible, and tasted as good! And only 2 for $4! That was the grocery find. I shared my excitement over the many wonderous items I had found that I can eat, someone that shares my food limitations would probably share more in my excitement. I enjoyed rediscovering what I had previously discovered as I was putting things away, in a less than orderly fashion than I typically enjoy. I made some dinner and vegged in front of the tv for the better part of an hour before deciding to make deviled eggs for the 4th of July picnic. I love the tv in the kitchen thing. I was able to watch tv while making deviled eggs, which miraculously turned out perfect, even though I forgot I was boiling them. Perhaps I have an internal boiled egg clock that just knew to go off and it was in perfect time! I finished the eggs and headed off to bed, around 1 in the morning. Around 2:30 I was awoken with concern for the "missing" house mate and her dog, who were in fact not missing at all, but had previously left for the evening. I was less than pleasant about being woken from a more than likely restless, anyway sleep. But the questions were posed in yes and no form which made life easy for me, at least for the grumbling out an answer, and the gratitude is unlike sleeping meds I have taken in the past, I remember it occurring. Huh, I just now realized the gratitude in that. If this groggy in the day feeling wears off, or I get more used to it I may actually like this new medicine.
I was awoken by my alarm at 10 after 8 this morning and because the song was only so so found myself easily hitting the snooze. 9 minutes later a song that needed to have singing and dancing accompanying it got me out of bed, where I began my morning ritual for the first time in 3 weeks, which could explain my feeling a little more comfortable in my own skin today, which I also notice leads to a lot less ballzy actions and less flirtations. Perhaps shooken up routine me is more spontaneous? But at what cost? As we were headed out I remembered that I forgot the deviled eggs in the fridge, but luckily we were not to far out of town and turned around to get them. When we arrived at the park, I almost left the eggs in the car, but was reminded about them. Apparently, they were very much out of site, out of mind. One thing I know to be true about deviled eggs is there are never enough. We arrived early and were put to work making sure no one tried to sneak food, and only caught the members of the committee being guilty of such things. I was given the task of selling the apparently incredible iced-coffee, which I was also privy to the secret of what made it so good. I was asked to speak at a meeting at noon on a monday. Apparently it takes 3 weeks to feel a part of and get to know people, and at some point along the way people were actually listening to me. This never ceases to amaze me. I really don't think I share anything all that profound, and while I am aware of my gift of speech, I just feel I am praised disproportionately to what I have shared. Perhaps I downplay my ability of speech and speech comprehension for that matter. I wonder what I could do along the lines of speaking that would generate a hearty income that I would love as much as following my dreams of acting? The picnic was fun, and I knew a lot more people than I thought I did, and a lot more people than I thought were actually watching seemed to know me. The meeting left something to be desired, but the fellowship out here never does! We enjoyed the better part of the afternoon lounging in the park and talking with others. There was a party going on but we decided to head back to the house and kill the evening watching movies, which in fact we did, quite successfully. We watched Superbad, hilarious movie, followed by SLC Punk, very sad movie and finished up with Playing by Heart, a touching movie.
We have made improvements on our day to day living by having things to do in the next two days(when we first got here, thinking past 4 minutes was virtually impossible). Tomorrow we run city errands followed by the incredible Monday night meeting, and Tuesday is shoe shopping at an apparently great shoe store across from a place we are meeting to join the outreach committee for a Tuesday night meeting.
Things here are different and amazingly incredible in their own way. 2 things that in my life thus far are unparalleled here are the clear sky and the fellowship. I definitely do not know what the future has to offer, but I do know that for at least the time I am here there is plenty to be grateful for and in awe of.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Day 19 July 2, 2010
I did get up at the prompting of my medication alarm, and did exactly as I intended, got in the shower. I wanted to put some still boxed stuff in my room away, but for whatever reason that never happened. I noticed the others leaving and made some breakfast and headed out to my counseling appointment. It's a little different but every counselor is. I'm still not to sure about this particular counselor, but having the time to just talk about what's going on with me and have it just be about me and my feelings is necessary for my sanity. I did leave feeling better and we have a few goals to work on over the summer.
I then headed out to clean the room and that took 3 1/2 hours, was a great workout and looked fantastic. We headed off to a meeting, a really good meeting and of course, fellowship afterwards. We grabbed a bite to eat and headed off to a park to watch a fireworks show. It was a perfectly gorgeous night and only started raining on the drive home. As I was driving back to town there was an incredible lighting storm in my rearview mirror, for most of my drive home. I tried a new route home, which I've decided feels much longer and only wondered for a moment if I had gone to far out of my way. I hadn't. I had an hour before the grocery store closed so I decided to do some light grocery shopping. Flowers were on sale so I bought some for the both of us. She was still not home when I got home and I sent a text making sure she was okay.
She was and I was still up when she came in so we talked for a minute, and went to bed.
When I got in I put away the groceries, put the flowers in vases on our nightstands, ate a light meal of cereal and ice cream, took a shower and steam(cuz it's technically not a sauna but a steam room since it's not dry heat). It relaxed my muscles a bit, and I brushed my teeth, and got ready for bed.
I then headed out to clean the room and that took 3 1/2 hours, was a great workout and looked fantastic. We headed off to a meeting, a really good meeting and of course, fellowship afterwards. We grabbed a bite to eat and headed off to a park to watch a fireworks show. It was a perfectly gorgeous night and only started raining on the drive home. As I was driving back to town there was an incredible lighting storm in my rearview mirror, for most of my drive home. I tried a new route home, which I've decided feels much longer and only wondered for a moment if I had gone to far out of my way. I hadn't. I had an hour before the grocery store closed so I decided to do some light grocery shopping. Flowers were on sale so I bought some for the both of us. She was still not home when I got home and I sent a text making sure she was okay.
She was and I was still up when she came in so we talked for a minute, and went to bed.
When I got in I put away the groceries, put the flowers in vases on our nightstands, ate a light meal of cereal and ice cream, took a shower and steam(cuz it's technically not a sauna but a steam room since it's not dry heat). It relaxed my muscles a bit, and I brushed my teeth, and got ready for bed.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Day 18 July 1, 2010
I woke up very groggy from my new medicine, and decided to stay away from driving my car or really doing much. So todays adventure consisted of watching tv, napping, and to not feel totally useless doing laundry.
All my laundry is clean, yet I still feel totally useless. I took a shower at the end of the day, and I realize I may have felt a little less groggy had I have taken a shower when I first woke up, which I may try tomorrow. Although, I still feel groggy. I hope I'll get used to the medicine and not feel so groggy. I did get a call this afternoon from the Hardrock. I got the call center job. I wish I was more excited. I am happy to have income, but I feel content, I wasn't freaked out about having income and now I have a job that will produce it. I am excited that other people have seen me on Huge! I decided I will try and get to bed at midnight every night, that way I will get 8 hours of sleep before my morning alarm goes off. So I am doing a small load of laundry, that could have waited but had most of my unmentionables, and am watching a little tv. Tomorrow I have counseling, then cleaning a room, and Saturday filling out paperwork for my new job. Life is just life today.
All my laundry is clean, yet I still feel totally useless. I took a shower at the end of the day, and I realize I may have felt a little less groggy had I have taken a shower when I first woke up, which I may try tomorrow. Although, I still feel groggy. I hope I'll get used to the medicine and not feel so groggy. I did get a call this afternoon from the Hardrock. I got the call center job. I wish I was more excited. I am happy to have income, but I feel content, I wasn't freaked out about having income and now I have a job that will produce it. I am excited that other people have seen me on Huge! I decided I will try and get to bed at midnight every night, that way I will get 8 hours of sleep before my morning alarm goes off. So I am doing a small load of laundry, that could have waited but had most of my unmentionables, and am watching a little tv. Tomorrow I have counseling, then cleaning a room, and Saturday filling out paperwork for my new job. Life is just life today.
Day 17 June 30, 2010
Interview at the Hard Rock day! I awoke earlier than I needed so I stayed in bed and watched some tv. I got dressed up nice, and headed out. I had time to stop at the pharmacy and drop off my new prescriptions. I arrived 15 minutes early to my interview, waited for 5 to go in. I thought I did really well, but I always interview well. They said they were making a decision on Thursday and gave me the card to call if I hadn't heard from them. I am hopeful. It's a really good position as a call center agent and they were super friendly. Plus it's uniformed(I like uniforms, you don't have to think about what to wear, makes life so much more convenient).
I headed into the city to take a look at a room I will be cleaning tomorrow, and decided to run errands while I was out, then head off to a mediocre meeting, but a meeting none-the-less. Some of the people had seen me before and chatted with me after the meeting, which is great. Then I headed back to town. I stopped and grabbed my prescription at the pharmacy. I've only been there twice and one of the pharmacists already recognizes me. It's so strange. The really strange thing is that they do what they say they are going to do. There was a problem with the way the prescription was written and they called the doctor that day and had it fixed that same day. I called in with my combat, ready to fight for my health attitude and didn't even need it. I've been fighting for my health for so long that I don't know how to react now that others care for it. It's a relief, and yet it feels like a piece of me is missing(granted a piece I am glad to be rid of).
Then off to check out the in-town karaoke. While we were sitting there some guy came up and asked to join us. I felt bad, cuz it took guts to come talk to us(both of us were looking our best), but I politely told him it was a girls night, and on his way he went. We sang a few songs each and decided in town karaoke was a dud, but now we knew. We very much like the bowling alley karaoke in the city. When we got back to the house, I ate some dinner, took my vitamins, took my new medicine for sleep and conked out within 1/2 hour.
I headed into the city to take a look at a room I will be cleaning tomorrow, and decided to run errands while I was out, then head off to a mediocre meeting, but a meeting none-the-less. Some of the people had seen me before and chatted with me after the meeting, which is great. Then I headed back to town. I stopped and grabbed my prescription at the pharmacy. I've only been there twice and one of the pharmacists already recognizes me. It's so strange. The really strange thing is that they do what they say they are going to do. There was a problem with the way the prescription was written and they called the doctor that day and had it fixed that same day. I called in with my combat, ready to fight for my health attitude and didn't even need it. I've been fighting for my health for so long that I don't know how to react now that others care for it. It's a relief, and yet it feels like a piece of me is missing(granted a piece I am glad to be rid of).
Then off to check out the in-town karaoke. While we were sitting there some guy came up and asked to join us. I felt bad, cuz it took guts to come talk to us(both of us were looking our best), but I politely told him it was a girls night, and on his way he went. We sang a few songs each and decided in town karaoke was a dud, but now we knew. We very much like the bowling alley karaoke in the city. When we got back to the house, I ate some dinner, took my vitamins, took my new medicine for sleep and conked out within 1/2 hour.
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