End of Day 5-Day 6 June 18, 2010

The rest of yesterday: the heat of the day where you have to stay inside part of the afternoon, I was asked to read the following: http://somethingbeautifuljournal.blogspot.com/(check it out, it's really awesome!) I may get to do some editing on the next article written, then we talked about her ideas for a web based business and how she got started with it, etc. It was really quite nice leisure afternoon. I headed off to an "in-town"(mostly meaning I don't have to drive into Albuquerque, the closest meeting is still 11 miles away) meeting at 6:30, to make it on time and give myself some time to fellowship or get lost, which I did on both counts. It was a small and good meeting, although the only 2 other women there had less than a year clean, but welcomed me all the same. I still get uncomfortable walking into meetings I don't know, even though I know it's just the same as any other meeting. I just have learned how to walk through the uncomfortable feelings. I know it'll get easier as time goes on it just feels awkward. My good friend reminded me today that it's only been 5 days and it will take some time to adjust.  I know that's true, I would just like to believe that I can somehow control the length of time till I feel "okay," by acting as if I'm already adjusted, and of course backing it with the action necessary to adjust. And by the time I've done all that I'll probably be on my way back to Cali.
I came back from the meeting and shared my experience with the house, made some dinner, watched some tv way past everyone going to bed(again-I couldn't sleep), finally got tired enough to attempt sleep, layed down and the next thing I knew someone was waking me....
This morning I was awoken by a pretty lady telling me it was time to get up and go walk up the hill(pictured right). I washed off my face, threw on some clothes, grabbed a quick bite, a bottle of water, my camera, a borrowed hat, and we were off to take a walk up the mountain(it's actually somewhere between a hill and a mountain maybe a 1/2 mile or so up). We took the dog, who turned out to be a wonderful trail guide, especially half way up when the trail gets a little blurred. I was taught all about some of the local history including the good friday tradition that happens in the town, of people walking from all over to the top of the hill. Some people park at the bottom and walk up(it's such a tradition that the police actually come out to direct traffic). Hundreds of people come from all around the area to participate in this good friday tradition, some of the local farmers even set out food and water for those who choose to walk to the hill from miles away. We spent some time on the top of the hill taking pictures and admiring the farms at the bottom.
At one point a train went by and spurned a discussion about how the sound of a train going by makes something in my soul come alive(a trait I share with the ranch owner here), something I thought was uniquely mine and I wondered if anyone would ever understand (N.ever A.lone). After a good amount of time picture taking, admiring the scenery, and resting we started our descent down, which was much easier than the trek up, especially for the dog who seemed to be at the bottom before we even made it half way down. We headed off to Starbucks across the other side of town, which I had yet to explore. We ran into a friend of the familys, grabbed drinks and goodies and headed back to the house. Along the way we passed by the house of the original town owners, which has been turned into a restaurant, but you can go and just walk through it if you don't want to stop to eat. It went on the list of things we will see before its just us 2 girls. We got back in to a missing dog, who turned up in the neighbors yard(there's a "dog" sized whole between the fences and once he got over to the neighbors he couldn't figure out how to get back). Since we were there I was shown the gate entrances to the neighbors, met their dog and was given the low down on if we need anything just head over, we will also get their number. It was the day to flood the field, all the ranches around here get to flood once a month, so we walked out to see how it was done. The process was explained to me, and we walked back to the house where the heat of the day was upon us. I diddled for a bit on the internet, applied for a few more jobs, watched some tv and passed out on the couch for an afternoon nap(which I really shouldn't do, because it makes it harder to get to sleep at night). I had some foresight to set an alarm in case I fell asleep, so that I could wake up in time to shower and get to the meeting. Showering first thing in the morning is not really something you want to do around here, especially if you are doing any work outside.
I didn't want to get up from my nap when my alarm went off and decided I would give myself another 45 minutes or so and still make it in time. 2 voices were talking as I drifted in and out of reality and dreams. Since someone turned off the tv that I was obviously not watching anymore, I appreciated the noise. I like the tones of conversation, they are soothing to me. When my alarm went off the second time I got up and got ready. As I was headed out the reason I'm here came in from getting ice cream with her dad just as I was headed out to the local meeting(only 3 in town during the week, any else we have to go into Albuquerque). She came with me, and the meeting wasn't all that great but we did meet some women who go into the city for meetings and offered carpool.  There were also a couple women there with double digit clean time. That was good, and we(well at least I was) were pleased with the connections we made. I saw two people I had met the night before and that made it a little less awkward. It gets a little more comfortable every day. Dad is going home early in the morning, leaving here at 3 am to grab breakfast before he hops a flight back to his Fontana home, and he was asleep when we got in. The horses were up in the "parking" area because the field got over-flooded into their stalls. The dogs noisely came out to greet us when we got in. I grabbed some dinner, and we all chatted a bit. As usual everyone headed off to the land of sleep long before I ever got tired. Tomorrow I look forward to moving into what will become my bedroom, and no longer sleeping on the pull out sofa.
I have failed to mention that every since we have arrived here I have been having the strangest and on-going sense of deja-vu. So much so that it is really becoming bothersome. I have the belief that deja-vu is simply(for all you nerds who went there: "a glitch in the matrix") a bench mark I have put in my own life to let me know I am on the right path. It's a comforting feeling to think I am truly where I am supposed to be, on the other hand, I'd really like to know where I am supposed to be going, and maybe I could focus more on getting there. I suppose I will take my own "inspiration" advice and take the next step as they are presented to me. I got a call today for a job interview Monday afternoon. Hopefully they are in tomorrow and I can set that up. I think it may be a little farther than I want to drive and its not my top choice for position, but at this point any job may be better than nothing. I'll set it up and ask all my questions and find out if I feel like it would be a good fit for me. For now its off to bed I go..."to sleep ah perchance to dream."