Wed Sept 22 Back to work from this day until Sept 30! All grave schedule with 2 days on swing. I wasn't able to sleep all day cuz I went to bed to early the night before, despite all efforts to stay up all night. I was going to join some friends at the state fair but sometime in the afternoon it started raining, and never cleared up. The fair closed, extending there $2 entrance fee until Thursday. I had gotten ready just in case the weather cleared in order to meet my friends at the fair. The weather having not cleared, she asked if I would like to go to a meeting. We were gonna go to a 5pm meeting but as we were driving there and it was getting late and we were going to be extremely late to the meeting I suggested we go to the 6pm meeting instead and we would still have time to stop and get a Keva juice! We decided this was a wonderful idea. It was drizzling a bit and cold, but the meeting was good. When we came out of the meeting it was torrential downpour the entire drive home. We had gotten soaked just going the 2 feet to the car. I was glad I had asked if she would drive. We were both feeling emotionally drained and saddened by finding out several of our friends had left the program. I warmed up a bit before having to go sleepily to work. The rain had let up some on part of my drive, for which I was grateful. By morning it had let up to a sprinkle and I had hoped it would dry up enough to be able to go to the fair that evening.
Thurs Sept 23 I slept less than I would have liked to, but got up in time to get ready for the fair. I met my friends there after the sun had gone down. We walked through as many of the exhibits as we could before they closed them. I enjoyed a turkey leg while the others enjoyed a funnel cake. We found fresh spun cotton candy shared by all 3. I helped myself to a delicious caramel apple, my favorite fair food. We went a few rides before I needed to make my way back to work. It was a great time! Plus it was perfect weather for walking around the fair. I was glad to have gotten to go. Work was surprisingly busy, and I had left over turkey leg to enjoy. Plus plenty of time to do some studying of the third tradition for the next morning review with my sponsor.
Fri Sept 24 After a long busy night, and staying an extra half hour at work(a coworker forgot his badge), I headed to the house to kill some time before going over the third tradition with my sponsor. I decided to pack up my desk, which took up 2 boxes. I will try and pack slowly the rest of everything to not have to leave it all till the last minute. Luckily I do not have to much stuff, but I only have my car to haul everything so it does have to fit in a small amount of space. I got to talk with the sponsor for an hour, which was nice. I headed right to bed after that to rest up for dinner at the mansion before work! I awoke in enough time to get ready(I'm finally adjusted sleep wise back to the grave schedule) and head out for dinner. I felt very adult driving to the Luna Mansion where I had 8:30 dinner reservations for 4 of us. It was a wonderful laid back evening with good conversation, excellent food, fine dining atmosphere. I treated myself to dessert, because it looked good when it was brought to another table. It was delicious. Sometimes food is exquisite. Tonight was one of those times. After dinner we walked around the mansion and marveled at its structural integrity, beauty and simplicity considering its mansion status. We said a small lingering goodbye noting that it may be the last time I see one particular friend and off our separate ways we went.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Day 98-104 Sept 16-21, 2010
Day 98 Thurs 16 another swing shift
Day 99 Fri 17 I got up early and headed to work for a blood pressure screening and information about cholesterol and a free pedometer, which had done nothing but let me know that i am not getting enough steps in a day(10, 000 is what is the minimum for the average american. I walked on my highest day approx 4, 000). I then headed into the city to pick up some things at Michaels for my party, then back to the lunas some girly grooming at the fabulous salon that I found now that I'm leaving. Then I headed to work looking forward to my party.
Day 100 Sat 18 Party Day! I was up early to do my last minute errands, and pick up my ice cream cake for the party. Back at the ranch I began cooking eggs for my famous deviled eggs that everyone loves, and also made chocolate candies. I put together prizes for the games, and gathered game stuff as well. All that took up all the time till it was time for the party. It never ceases to amaze me who shows up and who doesn't and how that differs from my expectations. It was a greatly fun party. There were great people, great food, great weather and tons of fun. After everyone left, I cleaned up all the dishes and headed to bed full and happy.
Day 102 Sun 19 Another swing shift, with the leftover candies from the party and the best entertaining co-workers, so tons of laughs!
Day 103 Mon 20 The first of 2 days off in a row. Very exciting. Of course I woke up early. I still managed to be late to the good meeting. We had planned on going to karaoke on the big stage. We followed the gps and it took us literally to the middle of nowhere with nothing, only to find out that there was no karaoke on the big stage, so we went to the bowling alley. Where later in the evening I ended up making out with the kj, after a summer of flirtation. I realized this is the first person I've done anything with since "the breakup." And it felt okay. It wasn't stellar but it definitely felt good to be wanted, and flirted with. The night came to an end and extremely tired I headed back to the ranch, where I fell asleep watching tv.
Day 104 Tues 21 I woke up way to early once again, and couldn't sleep, so I decided I would get up. Since we knew for sure karaoke was on the big stage tonight we rearranged our plans of going to Luna mansion till Friday night in order to go to karaoke. Sometime in the afternoon I was way too tired from having gotten up so early and took a nap until I needed to get up and ready. I headed out to go to an early meeting to make karaoke by 7:30, but was running so late that I decided I would take myself out to dinner at a restaurant a friend had previously recommended next to the stellar gellato shop. I didn't feel like reading the menu and making a decision at the restaurant so I asked the cashier with the gorgeous eyes(which is the second albuquerque restaurant with a gorgeous eyed cashier). He didn't just haphazardly recommend anything, but asked me some questions and matched me with a meal that was perfection. Every bite was delightful and I felt no guilt about my food, just sheer enjoyment. Then I grabbed a delicious gellato which now paled in comparison to my absolutely splendiforous dinner. I took a walk down the street and back to my car, then headed up to karaoke. They actually had a dj and dancing that started at 7:30 and karaoke didn't start till 9:30. I got to sing 3 times, which was a lot considering the amount of people in the place and one of those was a duet with a guy who had sung a country song amazingly in the beginning of the evening. There was a ton of fabulous people watching to do and an absolutely perfect couple sitting next to us were just amazing to watch. They just fit perfectly together, and she had the most perfect body I have ever seen. I had to tell her, and we talked for a bit and I found out she had 2 children the oldest of which had just turned 21, they had just started dating 2 weeks ago, he is in a band and his mother was a gospel singer. Why is it so easy to get to know a complete stranger and yet so hard for me to say hi to a newcomer? I need to work on that. I had a wonderful time socializing and I am learning how to enjoy life. Now I realize I need to keep the fun in my life to stay in balance completely. This has been an amazing learning summer and I think in spite of myself I've gone through a non-painful growth period. I've truly learned how to live in today, amongst many other things. I look forward to another day.
Day 99 Fri 17 I got up early and headed to work for a blood pressure screening and information about cholesterol and a free pedometer, which had done nothing but let me know that i am not getting enough steps in a day(10, 000 is what is the minimum for the average american. I walked on my highest day approx 4, 000). I then headed into the city to pick up some things at Michaels for my party, then back to the lunas some girly grooming at the fabulous salon that I found now that I'm leaving. Then I headed to work looking forward to my party.
Day 100 Sat 18 Party Day! I was up early to do my last minute errands, and pick up my ice cream cake for the party. Back at the ranch I began cooking eggs for my famous deviled eggs that everyone loves, and also made chocolate candies. I put together prizes for the games, and gathered game stuff as well. All that took up all the time till it was time for the party. It never ceases to amaze me who shows up and who doesn't and how that differs from my expectations. It was a greatly fun party. There were great people, great food, great weather and tons of fun. After everyone left, I cleaned up all the dishes and headed to bed full and happy.
Day 102 Sun 19 Another swing shift, with the leftover candies from the party and the best entertaining co-workers, so tons of laughs!
Day 103 Mon 20 The first of 2 days off in a row. Very exciting. Of course I woke up early. I still managed to be late to the good meeting. We had planned on going to karaoke on the big stage. We followed the gps and it took us literally to the middle of nowhere with nothing, only to find out that there was no karaoke on the big stage, so we went to the bowling alley. Where later in the evening I ended up making out with the kj, after a summer of flirtation. I realized this is the first person I've done anything with since "the breakup." And it felt okay. It wasn't stellar but it definitely felt good to be wanted, and flirted with. The night came to an end and extremely tired I headed back to the ranch, where I fell asleep watching tv.
Day 104 Tues 21 I woke up way to early once again, and couldn't sleep, so I decided I would get up. Since we knew for sure karaoke was on the big stage tonight we rearranged our plans of going to Luna mansion till Friday night in order to go to karaoke. Sometime in the afternoon I was way too tired from having gotten up so early and took a nap until I needed to get up and ready. I headed out to go to an early meeting to make karaoke by 7:30, but was running so late that I decided I would take myself out to dinner at a restaurant a friend had previously recommended next to the stellar gellato shop. I didn't feel like reading the menu and making a decision at the restaurant so I asked the cashier with the gorgeous eyes(which is the second albuquerque restaurant with a gorgeous eyed cashier). He didn't just haphazardly recommend anything, but asked me some questions and matched me with a meal that was perfection. Every bite was delightful and I felt no guilt about my food, just sheer enjoyment. Then I grabbed a delicious gellato which now paled in comparison to my absolutely splendiforous dinner. I took a walk down the street and back to my car, then headed up to karaoke. They actually had a dj and dancing that started at 7:30 and karaoke didn't start till 9:30. I got to sing 3 times, which was a lot considering the amount of people in the place and one of those was a duet with a guy who had sung a country song amazingly in the beginning of the evening. There was a ton of fabulous people watching to do and an absolutely perfect couple sitting next to us were just amazing to watch. They just fit perfectly together, and she had the most perfect body I have ever seen. I had to tell her, and we talked for a bit and I found out she had 2 children the oldest of which had just turned 21, they had just started dating 2 weeks ago, he is in a band and his mother was a gospel singer. Why is it so easy to get to know a complete stranger and yet so hard for me to say hi to a newcomer? I need to work on that. I had a wonderful time socializing and I am learning how to enjoy life. Now I realize I need to keep the fun in my life to stay in balance completely. This has been an amazing learning summer and I think in spite of myself I've gone through a non-painful growth period. I've truly learned how to live in today, amongst many other things. I look forward to another day.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Day 95, 96, 97 Sept 14, 15, 16 2010
Day 95 Sept 14 another exciting day of graveyard shift!
Day 96 Sept 15 I am 29 years old. While working on my grave shift, I decided to journal. I had learned earlier in the evening that when I have no opinion one way or another about something it is because I am lacking information. At the beginning of my journal I started with I have no opinion one way or another about this birthday. Then following my earlier discovery decided to look at my 29 trips around the sun on this planet, and felt younger than I have in a while. I realized there were a lot of bad things that have happened and that made me feel not so good, but then I took at look at all the things I have accomplished, and was feeling very incredibly amazed at my life, and was filled with the knowledge that I've done a good job of living it to it's fullest, especially in the last few years being inspired with an intense motivation to make every day count! I also took a look at where I imagined myself to be in relation to where I was. What I discovered is there's still some unchased dreams in my life and made a commitment to myself to follow those in the next few years of my life. The big one being living in my own little studio in New York and working in theater. Big wide world watch out, I've got thoughts, ideas, goals that will work there way into plans!
After work, I couldn't sleep so I watched tv for a few hours, till I was finally tired enough to lay down. I slept for 4 hours, then headed to work for a meeting. I stopped at Baskin Robbins along the way and ordered my cake for the party. I am very excited about my cake. I went to the work meeting, and was suddenly feeling awake and not ready to go back to the house and to bed. So I took myself to see Eat, Pray, Love, which I thought was playing at the theater in town but after getting there I realized was not, so I drove back out to Albuquerque because I just wasn't ready to call it a night. I'm glad I did, because the movie was good, then I was tired and ready to go to bed. I did, but didn't get much sleep and awoke very early this morning.
Day 97 Sept 16. I've been up since 7:30am. I did some laundry, to have a clean work shirt. I called ventura county public records in search of information on my half-sister or her mother to try and locate them. I don't know that I really want out of meeting her, but I have this overwhelming sense of wanting to know her, so I am following that sense. Then I had a nice talk with my sponsor, after which my mom and I talked for a little over a half hour. Then we looked at the guest house and saw its progress and talked about the things that still need doing, etc. Then played ball with the dogs, and have been watching tv and passing some time until work. Which now it's time to get ready and head out. I am soooo tired that hopefully when I come home I can crash.
Day 96 Sept 15 I am 29 years old. While working on my grave shift, I decided to journal. I had learned earlier in the evening that when I have no opinion one way or another about something it is because I am lacking information. At the beginning of my journal I started with I have no opinion one way or another about this birthday. Then following my earlier discovery decided to look at my 29 trips around the sun on this planet, and felt younger than I have in a while. I realized there were a lot of bad things that have happened and that made me feel not so good, but then I took at look at all the things I have accomplished, and was feeling very incredibly amazed at my life, and was filled with the knowledge that I've done a good job of living it to it's fullest, especially in the last few years being inspired with an intense motivation to make every day count! I also took a look at where I imagined myself to be in relation to where I was. What I discovered is there's still some unchased dreams in my life and made a commitment to myself to follow those in the next few years of my life. The big one being living in my own little studio in New York and working in theater. Big wide world watch out, I've got thoughts, ideas, goals that will work there way into plans!
After work, I couldn't sleep so I watched tv for a few hours, till I was finally tired enough to lay down. I slept for 4 hours, then headed to work for a meeting. I stopped at Baskin Robbins along the way and ordered my cake for the party. I am very excited about my cake. I went to the work meeting, and was suddenly feeling awake and not ready to go back to the house and to bed. So I took myself to see Eat, Pray, Love, which I thought was playing at the theater in town but after getting there I realized was not, so I drove back out to Albuquerque because I just wasn't ready to call it a night. I'm glad I did, because the movie was good, then I was tired and ready to go to bed. I did, but didn't get much sleep and awoke very early this morning.
Day 97 Sept 16. I've been up since 7:30am. I did some laundry, to have a clean work shirt. I called ventura county public records in search of information on my half-sister or her mother to try and locate them. I don't know that I really want out of meeting her, but I have this overwhelming sense of wanting to know her, so I am following that sense. Then I had a nice talk with my sponsor, after which my mom and I talked for a little over a half hour. Then we looked at the guest house and saw its progress and talked about the things that still need doing, etc. Then played ball with the dogs, and have been watching tv and passing some time until work. Which now it's time to get ready and head out. I am soooo tired that hopefully when I come home I can crash.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Day 82-94 Sept 1-13
Some of the days specifics I can't remember, so they only reflect the event in my calendar.
82 Wed Sept 1 day off.
83 Thurs Sept 2 work 2-10
84 Fri Sept 3 work 3-11
85 Sat Sept 4 work 3-11
86 Sun Sept 5 work graveyard
87 Mon Sept 6 work graveyard
88 Tues Sept 7 work graveyard
89 Wed Sept 8 meeting at 2, work graveyard. I was supposed to start a computer class offered at work, but as the day was growing new and I started into my upcoming schedule and had thus decided to leave on Oct 1 and the class did not end until Oct 13, I decided not to take it. Sleep was not going to be continually, as half way through my typical sleep time there was a mandatory work meeting. That kind of sucked, since it turned out only to be 1/2 hour and I had to drive 1/2 hour each way plus break up my sleep. I technically got enough sleep. Oh well what's one day in my life that I barely remember now, not even a week later? How important was it? Although I wasn't feeling well and very grateful to have the next day off.
90 Thurs Sept 9 day off! My intention was to go to the local in town meeting, but I slept right through it. I slept for 12 hours, and what I didn't know yet was I had gotten sick. Not a flu or a cold, just one of those times where my auto-immune diseased body just wasn't working at a normal rate and had become drained of the energy to do much of anything remotely simple, including showering and the likes. I spent the day sleeping, woke up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, camped myself in front of the tv until I was tired enough to do some more sleeping and headed to bed.
91 Fri Sept 10 sick day :(....to be rudely awakened by my alarm and this overwhelming sense of just not feeling good. The blah lack of energy and motivation sense that I had not realized actually started the day before. I decided that I simply needed a shower and that would do the trick, since I had gotten more than plenty of sleep the day before. After my shower and still feeling not good I headed into my room for work clothes at which moment my bed just needed to be made! In the effort of making my bed I became increasingly aware of the fact that I was not going to suddenly get a burst of energy that would take me through the next 8 or so hours. I still was trying to deny it and debating in my head whether or not to push myself when she came in my doorway to talk to me. At which point opening my mouth I uttered a grumble that sounded like I feel like crap and she suggested I call in sick to work. I instantly agreed and yet debated for another 10 minutes or so, still not wanting it to be true. I finished making the bed and drained completely of all my energy after such a menial task decided that I would in fact call in sick. I felt terrible because I know how short handed we are, but I know taking care of me comes first. I was ultimately grateful to have done so, as the day wore on I felt worse and worse and drifted in and out of bouts of sleeping alternating with a sincere feeling of ickyness. I planted myself on the sofa in front of the tv and at some point during one of my sleep sessions which I awoke from found that one of my housemates had added an additional blanket to my small throw I was donning. I smiled in the gratitude and compassion of the gesture and continued to just be. At some point I made it to my room, sick of the television and sofa and in need of consistent sleep, and found it to be a lost cause, but lay there and tried anyways.
92 Sat Sept 11 sick missed Andy's party. I was grateful to know Andy's party would not be until the evening and had decided that as long as I rested all day I would in fact feel well enough to attend. I only had to drive into albuquerque since I was carpooling with her and her new man. I planted myself once again in front of the tv at the point that I could not sleep any longer and spent the day watching tv and drifting in and out of sleep. I still wasn't feeling any better but was trying to muster the energy to get up and get to the party! I was sleeping when my alarm to get up and get ready went off. I stood up, picked my blanket up off the sofa, headed into the bedroom to put it away, crawled into bed and went to sleep, thinking when I wake up in a few hours I will just drive to the party and be a little late. A few hours ended up being about 10 hours. I awoke, checked the clock, was sad to have missed the party and decided I would stay in bed and sleep until I needed to be up for work the next afternoon. Alas, I was no longer tired. I rejoined the living room sofa and turned on the tv. Somewhere around a weird nothing on tv hour, I took to amusing myself making fun of infomercials, until a disney movie came on(they play movies in the middle of the night, for who I'm not sure). Unable to get any more sleep I squared with the fact that by the time I got off work I would be up for 24 hours. I decided I would go to the meeting, come back and nap for a bit before work and be alright.
93 Sun Sept 12 corrales, lunch, work 3-11. I finally had enough energy to force myself up and out. Knowing myself I grabbed my work clothes in case I should feel not tired and want to go out fellowshipping. I'm grateful to have such an intimate knowledge of myself, since this is precisely what happened. Still having felt bad for missing the party I was grateful to see people at the meeting, and get great hugs. I did in fact join a good group of people at an Italian buffet for lunch where I amazed several people by eating pasta. It was good, but I should not have had a second helping. The second helping was not nearly as good and really, I feel made the discomfortable bloatey feeling later that much worse. I was at work about 1/2 hour earlier than I needed to be so I grabbed a quick nap in the car in the parking lot. I'm glad I did cuz I think it helped me get through the next 6 and 1/2 hours. Sadly it was quite dead at work. Luckily the co worker I was working with is a fantastic conversationalist and that kept me entertained for several hours. Somewhere toward the end of my shift I was soooooo tired and rested my head on my clothes and closed my eyes for about 10 minutes interrupted only by the one phone call that my very understanding kind coworker who was answering calls for me couldn't get to. That took me up to the last 1/2 hour of the shift in which we just chatted the time away. The 10 minutes or so that I closed my eyes for did miracles for allowing me to be awake enough to drive back to the ranch safely. I got in, skipped the nightly routine of brushing my teeth and washing my face and crashed in bed from sheer exhaustion. Nothing disturbed my sleep. It was like a Nyquil knockout sleep sans the Nyquil.
94 Mon Sept 13 grave shift, killer headache I slept an exact 8 hours and awoke earlier than I needed to be up for meeting and graveyard shift, unable to close my eyes and sleep anymore. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and suddenly decided that the overwhelming dirt in the bathroom was motivation enough to have the energy to clean it! I also determined that I would dust the living room as well. After tackling the bathroom, I had drained the little energy that I had gained back and decided I would rest for a bit then tackle the dusting. I planted myself on the sofa, and after a few minutes determined I needed to get enough rest that I wouldn't be so tired being up another 24 hours by the time I actually got home from my impending graveyard shift, with every intention of going to the meeting that night. After sitting for only a moment I was struck by this insane headache. Nothing else felt that icky sick I'd been feeling for days, but my head was throbbing, and stabbing, and shooting sharp pains across itself. The first round of tylenol barely dulled the sensation and the moments where I would get sleepy enough to maybe nap, the pain dictated otherwise. I increased my water intake accordingly and took another round of tylenol when I figured enough time had passed. Somewhere in the interm I washed my towels. So now the bathroom and my towels were clean, which when I did go to take a shower made me feel quite good. Around the time that I would need to get ready to make the meeting my head pain had increased and I battled with the idea of not going for an hour before determining that I would not be able to accomplish sitting through the meeting or fellowship and a full night at work. I was rather unhappy about the fact that work had to come over my recovery, but many times since I've had this job I have been faced with this unbalance. The worst part being that I have always preached recovery is my priority and there is always time for recovery. Which has been true for me till this point in my recovery, and now my truth has shifted, with a deeper understanding, empathy and compassion. Around 7:30pm the pain had subsided enough to let me sleep, and I did so for and hour and a half until my alarm to get up and get going silently vibrated itself off the table, waking me not with its vibrations but its crash to the floor. Surprising myself with an ease and speed of getting showered and dressed I had an extra half hour to spare which I filled with and over due lower half of my leg-waxing. Ahh the joys of the mundane tasks of life. Movies make these things so much more glamorous. I made it to work on time and now sit here catching up on facebook posts, 2 weeks of back blog, some writing and talking to my coworker at the front desk. I figured if I got exhausted I could rest my head uninterrupted for at least an hour. Which is normally true. The ringing phone would wake me. It appears as though my hour and half nap knocked out the worst of my headache and has given my insomnia enough energy to stay up all night. I can sleep all day tomorrow, and wake when I wake. I am gradually gaining back my energies and I know the process will be slow over the next few weeks. I look forward with much excitement to my road trip back to cali via the grand canyon for 2 days and my mom's for a week or soish. I am grateful to have a room to rent when I get back in town starting in November, and friends who will host me until then. I am free of the chains of my biological family and so grateful always for choices in my life(and my mom!). That about catches me up. In 2 weeks this adventure blog will see its end, and live forever immortalized amongst the streaming internet.
82 Wed Sept 1 day off.
83 Thurs Sept 2 work 2-10
84 Fri Sept 3 work 3-11
85 Sat Sept 4 work 3-11
86 Sun Sept 5 work graveyard
87 Mon Sept 6 work graveyard
88 Tues Sept 7 work graveyard
89 Wed Sept 8 meeting at 2, work graveyard. I was supposed to start a computer class offered at work, but as the day was growing new and I started into my upcoming schedule and had thus decided to leave on Oct 1 and the class did not end until Oct 13, I decided not to take it. Sleep was not going to be continually, as half way through my typical sleep time there was a mandatory work meeting. That kind of sucked, since it turned out only to be 1/2 hour and I had to drive 1/2 hour each way plus break up my sleep. I technically got enough sleep. Oh well what's one day in my life that I barely remember now, not even a week later? How important was it? Although I wasn't feeling well and very grateful to have the next day off.
90 Thurs Sept 9 day off! My intention was to go to the local in town meeting, but I slept right through it. I slept for 12 hours, and what I didn't know yet was I had gotten sick. Not a flu or a cold, just one of those times where my auto-immune diseased body just wasn't working at a normal rate and had become drained of the energy to do much of anything remotely simple, including showering and the likes. I spent the day sleeping, woke up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, camped myself in front of the tv until I was tired enough to do some more sleeping and headed to bed.
91 Fri Sept 10 sick day :(....to be rudely awakened by my alarm and this overwhelming sense of just not feeling good. The blah lack of energy and motivation sense that I had not realized actually started the day before. I decided that I simply needed a shower and that would do the trick, since I had gotten more than plenty of sleep the day before. After my shower and still feeling not good I headed into my room for work clothes at which moment my bed just needed to be made! In the effort of making my bed I became increasingly aware of the fact that I was not going to suddenly get a burst of energy that would take me through the next 8 or so hours. I still was trying to deny it and debating in my head whether or not to push myself when she came in my doorway to talk to me. At which point opening my mouth I uttered a grumble that sounded like I feel like crap and she suggested I call in sick to work. I instantly agreed and yet debated for another 10 minutes or so, still not wanting it to be true. I finished making the bed and drained completely of all my energy after such a menial task decided that I would in fact call in sick. I felt terrible because I know how short handed we are, but I know taking care of me comes first. I was ultimately grateful to have done so, as the day wore on I felt worse and worse and drifted in and out of bouts of sleeping alternating with a sincere feeling of ickyness. I planted myself on the sofa in front of the tv and at some point during one of my sleep sessions which I awoke from found that one of my housemates had added an additional blanket to my small throw I was donning. I smiled in the gratitude and compassion of the gesture and continued to just be. At some point I made it to my room, sick of the television and sofa and in need of consistent sleep, and found it to be a lost cause, but lay there and tried anyways.
92 Sat Sept 11 sick missed Andy's party. I was grateful to know Andy's party would not be until the evening and had decided that as long as I rested all day I would in fact feel well enough to attend. I only had to drive into albuquerque since I was carpooling with her and her new man. I planted myself once again in front of the tv at the point that I could not sleep any longer and spent the day watching tv and drifting in and out of sleep. I still wasn't feeling any better but was trying to muster the energy to get up and get to the party! I was sleeping when my alarm to get up and get ready went off. I stood up, picked my blanket up off the sofa, headed into the bedroom to put it away, crawled into bed and went to sleep, thinking when I wake up in a few hours I will just drive to the party and be a little late. A few hours ended up being about 10 hours. I awoke, checked the clock, was sad to have missed the party and decided I would stay in bed and sleep until I needed to be up for work the next afternoon. Alas, I was no longer tired. I rejoined the living room sofa and turned on the tv. Somewhere around a weird nothing on tv hour, I took to amusing myself making fun of infomercials, until a disney movie came on(they play movies in the middle of the night, for who I'm not sure). Unable to get any more sleep I squared with the fact that by the time I got off work I would be up for 24 hours. I decided I would go to the meeting, come back and nap for a bit before work and be alright.
93 Sun Sept 12 corrales, lunch, work 3-11. I finally had enough energy to force myself up and out. Knowing myself I grabbed my work clothes in case I should feel not tired and want to go out fellowshipping. I'm grateful to have such an intimate knowledge of myself, since this is precisely what happened. Still having felt bad for missing the party I was grateful to see people at the meeting, and get great hugs. I did in fact join a good group of people at an Italian buffet for lunch where I amazed several people by eating pasta. It was good, but I should not have had a second helping. The second helping was not nearly as good and really, I feel made the discomfortable bloatey feeling later that much worse. I was at work about 1/2 hour earlier than I needed to be so I grabbed a quick nap in the car in the parking lot. I'm glad I did cuz I think it helped me get through the next 6 and 1/2 hours. Sadly it was quite dead at work. Luckily the co worker I was working with is a fantastic conversationalist and that kept me entertained for several hours. Somewhere toward the end of my shift I was soooooo tired and rested my head on my clothes and closed my eyes for about 10 minutes interrupted only by the one phone call that my very understanding kind coworker who was answering calls for me couldn't get to. That took me up to the last 1/2 hour of the shift in which we just chatted the time away. The 10 minutes or so that I closed my eyes for did miracles for allowing me to be awake enough to drive back to the ranch safely. I got in, skipped the nightly routine of brushing my teeth and washing my face and crashed in bed from sheer exhaustion. Nothing disturbed my sleep. It was like a Nyquil knockout sleep sans the Nyquil.
94 Mon Sept 13 grave shift, killer headache I slept an exact 8 hours and awoke earlier than I needed to be up for meeting and graveyard shift, unable to close my eyes and sleep anymore. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and suddenly decided that the overwhelming dirt in the bathroom was motivation enough to have the energy to clean it! I also determined that I would dust the living room as well. After tackling the bathroom, I had drained the little energy that I had gained back and decided I would rest for a bit then tackle the dusting. I planted myself on the sofa, and after a few minutes determined I needed to get enough rest that I wouldn't be so tired being up another 24 hours by the time I actually got home from my impending graveyard shift, with every intention of going to the meeting that night. After sitting for only a moment I was struck by this insane headache. Nothing else felt that icky sick I'd been feeling for days, but my head was throbbing, and stabbing, and shooting sharp pains across itself. The first round of tylenol barely dulled the sensation and the moments where I would get sleepy enough to maybe nap, the pain dictated otherwise. I increased my water intake accordingly and took another round of tylenol when I figured enough time had passed. Somewhere in the interm I washed my towels. So now the bathroom and my towels were clean, which when I did go to take a shower made me feel quite good. Around the time that I would need to get ready to make the meeting my head pain had increased and I battled with the idea of not going for an hour before determining that I would not be able to accomplish sitting through the meeting or fellowship and a full night at work. I was rather unhappy about the fact that work had to come over my recovery, but many times since I've had this job I have been faced with this unbalance. The worst part being that I have always preached recovery is my priority and there is always time for recovery. Which has been true for me till this point in my recovery, and now my truth has shifted, with a deeper understanding, empathy and compassion. Around 7:30pm the pain had subsided enough to let me sleep, and I did so for and hour and a half until my alarm to get up and get going silently vibrated itself off the table, waking me not with its vibrations but its crash to the floor. Surprising myself with an ease and speed of getting showered and dressed I had an extra half hour to spare which I filled with and over due lower half of my leg-waxing. Ahh the joys of the mundane tasks of life. Movies make these things so much more glamorous. I made it to work on time and now sit here catching up on facebook posts, 2 weeks of back blog, some writing and talking to my coworker at the front desk. I figured if I got exhausted I could rest my head uninterrupted for at least an hour. Which is normally true. The ringing phone would wake me. It appears as though my hour and half nap knocked out the worst of my headache and has given my insomnia enough energy to stay up all night. I can sleep all day tomorrow, and wake when I wake. I am gradually gaining back my energies and I know the process will be slow over the next few weeks. I look forward with much excitement to my road trip back to cali via the grand canyon for 2 days and my mom's for a week or soish. I am grateful to have a room to rent when I get back in town starting in November, and friends who will host me until then. I am free of the chains of my biological family and so grateful always for choices in my life(and my mom!). That about catches me up. In 2 weeks this adventure blog will see its end, and live forever immortalized amongst the streaming internet.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Day 79-81 August 29-August 31, 2010
Day 79 August 29 Went to an audition at 1pm for an original play. I was actually nervous, dry mouth, shakey hands and all. I was given a monologue and after my initial reading the director actually gave me some direction. That's the first time that's happened on a first audition for me. It felt amazing to be in a theater acting again. Even if I don't get the part, I will continue to check for auditions so I can be working toward my dreams, especially now that I am switching to grave shift at work. I headed into old town to check out the angel town store that I had seen hidden previously and met I think the owner who was from California and knew Moorpark. She commented how happy I looked to be there. I hadn't even noticed how good it made me feel to be in a theater again! Plus I was thrilled to be in the angel store. I headed into work and there was a terrible accident on the freeway so I was an hour late. It was like La traffic without the benefit of actually being in La when I actually got where I was going! I worked until 11pm and tried to stay up as late as I could because the following 2 days I was working grave. Then I have Wednesday off and the rest of the week I work swing, then move to full time grave next Monday! I am so excited.
Day 80 August 30 I woke up at 11am despite not going to bed until 5am, having crashed on the sofa and woke stiff at 5 to move to the bedroom. I decided to do a few loads of laundry and just veg in front of the tv so as not to do too much strenuous stuff before the evening. We left for the meeting early to run a few errands in the city, enjoyed a meeting, went out for sushi after, then went to karaoke where the kj appropriately deemed the evening The Sarahjoy and Jessica show since we were the only 2 singers! We sang 3 songs each and I ended up being late(which made every day since I've been back from Cali.) That was enough and made a commitment to myself to stop being late. I was exhausted having been up so early in the morning but enjoyed my grave shift, and getting to know my coworker who works front desk grave. I'm starting to feel less out of place.
Day 81 August 31 I stopped at Starbucks before having to go to court for my recent speeding ticket, since I had an hour to kill before needing to be in court. I grabbed a bite to eat and a pumpkin spice latte, which was delicious, and played bejeweled for the hour. Upon arriving to court I checked in and was directed to the courtroom and judge I was to see. I was rather appalled at the fact that I was there. There was a lot of waiting and wondering(actually only about 10 minutes worth), and many other people as well. The judge had a large stack of files and announced that any one who plead guilty to their violation and agreed to make a donation to a local children's program would have their violation dismissed. I disagreed with my violation but for dismissal plead guilty and agreed to the donation plus court cost. Totaling $111 to have a clear record, I am grateful. Yet my emotions are mixed, ultimately I am supremely grateful but on the other hand I feel this twinge of I can't put my finger on it that bothers me about the lack of consequences to our actions. It feels like buying my way out of something, which I am against. I am doing it anyway. I have made a commitment to myself to donate more than what was sentenced to express my gratitude and because I like the charity. I headed to the house with my mixed emotions and headed to bed. I awoke much earlier than I wanted to and vegged once again in front of the tv until I needed to get ready to go. I received a text message about extra casting for the movie Fright Night which is filming at the Hard Rock, but did not receive the whole thing. Luckily the e-mail was in my inbox and I was able to call and submit for it. The call time is 7am, which is when I get off my shift. I called and submitted so I guess I will find out in a few hours if I am working all day tomorrow on the movie or not!
Day 80 August 30 I woke up at 11am despite not going to bed until 5am, having crashed on the sofa and woke stiff at 5 to move to the bedroom. I decided to do a few loads of laundry and just veg in front of the tv so as not to do too much strenuous stuff before the evening. We left for the meeting early to run a few errands in the city, enjoyed a meeting, went out for sushi after, then went to karaoke where the kj appropriately deemed the evening The Sarahjoy and Jessica show since we were the only 2 singers! We sang 3 songs each and I ended up being late(which made every day since I've been back from Cali.) That was enough and made a commitment to myself to stop being late. I was exhausted having been up so early in the morning but enjoyed my grave shift, and getting to know my coworker who works front desk grave. I'm starting to feel less out of place.
Day 81 August 31 I stopped at Starbucks before having to go to court for my recent speeding ticket, since I had an hour to kill before needing to be in court. I grabbed a bite to eat and a pumpkin spice latte, which was delicious, and played bejeweled for the hour. Upon arriving to court I checked in and was directed to the courtroom and judge I was to see. I was rather appalled at the fact that I was there. There was a lot of waiting and wondering(actually only about 10 minutes worth), and many other people as well. The judge had a large stack of files and announced that any one who plead guilty to their violation and agreed to make a donation to a local children's program would have their violation dismissed. I disagreed with my violation but for dismissal plead guilty and agreed to the donation plus court cost. Totaling $111 to have a clear record, I am grateful. Yet my emotions are mixed, ultimately I am supremely grateful but on the other hand I feel this twinge of I can't put my finger on it that bothers me about the lack of consequences to our actions. It feels like buying my way out of something, which I am against. I am doing it anyway. I have made a commitment to myself to donate more than what was sentenced to express my gratitude and because I like the charity. I headed to the house with my mixed emotions and headed to bed. I awoke much earlier than I wanted to and vegged once again in front of the tv until I needed to get ready to go. I received a text message about extra casting for the movie Fright Night which is filming at the Hard Rock, but did not receive the whole thing. Luckily the e-mail was in my inbox and I was able to call and submit for it. The call time is 7am, which is when I get off my shift. I called and submitted so I guess I will find out in a few hours if I am working all day tomorrow on the movie or not!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Day 67-78 August 17, 2010-August 28, 2010
Day 67 Aug 17 work 3pm-11pm
Day 68 Aug 18 Headed out at 8am with the roommate to Vegas, stopped at every Native gift shop along the way only to be a 1/2 hour late to the women's meeting(and had a blast), then headed to my aunts to get my hair cut while she and my mom and the dog headed to the house, he wanted to play with my mom's cat, who wasn't having it. It was entertaining to watch. Spent some time with my mom and dad and got to sleep late and woke up very early the next morning for the drive into Cali!
Day 69 Aug 19 Left around 5:30 in the morning, dropped off the dog, headed into Simi, stopped at the recycling center to drop off the bags of bottles my mom saves for me to recycle, then headed over to the Dmv to renew my drivers license. Was met by my friend who was driving me around for the weekend. After the Dmv we headed off to the committee meeting for the upcoming retreat and had a good time catching up and finishing the gifts for the retreat. Then got to hang with my other friend for the evening, catching up, talking, packing, drove out to Ventura to drop off school clothes for her grandson.
Day 70 Aug 20 Retreat Day! Last minute change of plans with my ride, but stayed in the solution and got to hang with my girls. The committee plus a few helpers all met early at Costco to get food for the retreat for the weekend. Split up the lists and everyone took a cart and went. I packed the cars and fit most of it in the chairs car, so we had very little in the second car. We still needed to stop at the grocery store to pick up a few things that Costco didn't have, stopped at El Pollo Loco for some lunch and headed up to La Casa De Maria to unload groceries and set up and wait for everyone to arrive! I won't share the retreat secrets but it was amazing.
Day 71 Aug 21 Second amazing retreat day!
Day 72 Aug 22 Fina retreat day. Another change in plans. Headed to Vegas just wasn't working out and instead of trying to fight it, I just decided to stay in Cali with my girls one more night. Although changing plans for the next day wasn't much easier then trying to get to Vegas, but it all worked out anyway. We left the retreat and a few of us headed out to Carrows in Ventura for lunch. My friend and I stopped for a walk on the beach on the way back to her house. Had a wonderful afternoon, and was exhausted by the evening. Only got a little sleep, cuz I had to be up early again for the drive back to New Mexico(so do the last 3 days technically not count as part of my New Mexico adventure?)
Day 73 Aug 23 Up early for the very long drive back to New Mexico. Somewhere along the course of the weekend I realized I wanted to be back home. I've known for a while that Cali is where I belong, and I did promise that I would stay for 3 months so in October I take my September paychecks and have a months rent and deposit and a whole lot of faith that I will be able to make second months rent. Anything to be back home. The drive was long and even though we switched drivers many times along the drive by the end of the night we were exhausted. As we turned off onto the very last freeway and the last stretch of road to switch drivers an old beat up pick up stopped in front of us, and a very handsome tall dark mysterious stranger asked if everything was alright. I smiled the best kindest smile I could muster after 13 hours of driving and assured him we were fine just switching drivers, he got in his car and went on his way. A short while up the road he turned into an old warehouse type building that looked nothing like a house and was gone. Perhaps it was just an angel reminding me that I am always protected. At some point along the drive I had called to ask what time I was working the next day to discover I had the day off, which rocked. So we decided we would head to old town, where I would meet Pancho and Rosie. Yes, they do exist and soon I will post pictures.
Day 74 Aug 24 We headed into old town in the afternoon and explored some cool shops. We stooped for dinner at a very luxurious restaurant that was super delicious. It was a fantastic afternoon/evening.
Day 75 Aug 25 work 3-11
Day 76 Aug 26 work 3-11
Day 77 Aug 27 work 3-11
Day 78 Aug 28 work 2-10
I haven't done much the last week besides maybe a few errands. Didn't wake up to go to Tai Chi on Tuesday or Thursday this week. The more and more isolated I become, the more and more isolated I want to be. I missed out on Na's birthday celebration, and was completely bummed. I will also miss out on the party on Sunday. I actually asked my boss if I could switch to full-time grave, and she was thrilled to have me offer! In one week I get my life back, then I can do things like Na stuff! And in one more month or thereabouts I'll be back in Cali! Ever since I made that decision I've been wrestling back and forth with it in my head. Do I stay an extra month and save more money? Do I go in October cuz I really want to be back? Did I even try to get involved in acting here? I'm sticking with my decision to go back, but hopefully I won't be so spiritually depleted once I switch to grave and can get back involved with recovery.
Day 68 Aug 18 Headed out at 8am with the roommate to Vegas, stopped at every Native gift shop along the way only to be a 1/2 hour late to the women's meeting(and had a blast), then headed to my aunts to get my hair cut while she and my mom and the dog headed to the house, he wanted to play with my mom's cat, who wasn't having it. It was entertaining to watch. Spent some time with my mom and dad and got to sleep late and woke up very early the next morning for the drive into Cali!
Day 69 Aug 19 Left around 5:30 in the morning, dropped off the dog, headed into Simi, stopped at the recycling center to drop off the bags of bottles my mom saves for me to recycle, then headed over to the Dmv to renew my drivers license. Was met by my friend who was driving me around for the weekend. After the Dmv we headed off to the committee meeting for the upcoming retreat and had a good time catching up and finishing the gifts for the retreat. Then got to hang with my other friend for the evening, catching up, talking, packing, drove out to Ventura to drop off school clothes for her grandson.
Day 70 Aug 20 Retreat Day! Last minute change of plans with my ride, but stayed in the solution and got to hang with my girls. The committee plus a few helpers all met early at Costco to get food for the retreat for the weekend. Split up the lists and everyone took a cart and went. I packed the cars and fit most of it in the chairs car, so we had very little in the second car. We still needed to stop at the grocery store to pick up a few things that Costco didn't have, stopped at El Pollo Loco for some lunch and headed up to La Casa De Maria to unload groceries and set up and wait for everyone to arrive! I won't share the retreat secrets but it was amazing.
Day 71 Aug 21 Second amazing retreat day!
Day 72 Aug 22 Fina retreat day. Another change in plans. Headed to Vegas just wasn't working out and instead of trying to fight it, I just decided to stay in Cali with my girls one more night. Although changing plans for the next day wasn't much easier then trying to get to Vegas, but it all worked out anyway. We left the retreat and a few of us headed out to Carrows in Ventura for lunch. My friend and I stopped for a walk on the beach on the way back to her house. Had a wonderful afternoon, and was exhausted by the evening. Only got a little sleep, cuz I had to be up early again for the drive back to New Mexico(so do the last 3 days technically not count as part of my New Mexico adventure?)
Day 73 Aug 23 Up early for the very long drive back to New Mexico. Somewhere along the course of the weekend I realized I wanted to be back home. I've known for a while that Cali is where I belong, and I did promise that I would stay for 3 months so in October I take my September paychecks and have a months rent and deposit and a whole lot of faith that I will be able to make second months rent. Anything to be back home. The drive was long and even though we switched drivers many times along the drive by the end of the night we were exhausted. As we turned off onto the very last freeway and the last stretch of road to switch drivers an old beat up pick up stopped in front of us, and a very handsome tall dark mysterious stranger asked if everything was alright. I smiled the best kindest smile I could muster after 13 hours of driving and assured him we were fine just switching drivers, he got in his car and went on his way. A short while up the road he turned into an old warehouse type building that looked nothing like a house and was gone. Perhaps it was just an angel reminding me that I am always protected. At some point along the drive I had called to ask what time I was working the next day to discover I had the day off, which rocked. So we decided we would head to old town, where I would meet Pancho and Rosie. Yes, they do exist and soon I will post pictures.
Day 74 Aug 24 We headed into old town in the afternoon and explored some cool shops. We stooped for dinner at a very luxurious restaurant that was super delicious. It was a fantastic afternoon/evening.
Day 75 Aug 25 work 3-11
Day 76 Aug 26 work 3-11
Day 77 Aug 27 work 3-11
Day 78 Aug 28 work 2-10
I haven't done much the last week besides maybe a few errands. Didn't wake up to go to Tai Chi on Tuesday or Thursday this week. The more and more isolated I become, the more and more isolated I want to be. I missed out on Na's birthday celebration, and was completely bummed. I will also miss out on the party on Sunday. I actually asked my boss if I could switch to full-time grave, and she was thrilled to have me offer! In one week I get my life back, then I can do things like Na stuff! And in one more month or thereabouts I'll be back in Cali! Ever since I made that decision I've been wrestling back and forth with it in my head. Do I stay an extra month and save more money? Do I go in October cuz I really want to be back? Did I even try to get involved in acting here? I'm sticking with my decision to go back, but hopefully I won't be so spiritually depleted once I switch to grave and can get back involved with recovery.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Day 63-66 August 13-16, 2010
Friday 13 Nothing out of the ordinary happened for me on this day. Surprisingly I got a Friday off, a rareity in my current job. So perhaps something out of the ordinary did happen and I missed it! This gave me the ability to go to the "crazy" meeting with the awesome fellowshipping afterwards. Us Californians are still unsure as to what these albuquerquians deem as being crazy cuz to us the meeting seems just fine. It is run in a fashion very similar to my Las Vegas meeting experience which may be the cause of the "crazy" term, because it is ever so subtlely different from the Abq norm. I am just grateful for the opportunity to be in any meeting. And after the fellowshipping we did a 12th step call, sort of as it related to the quitting cigarettes of a friend. We confiscated all "the goods" as it were and he has since made a commitment to stay quit. All in all it was a rather successful day off.
Sat 14 In an awesome chain of events that had me working graveyard, I was able to attend Bill's graduation party. I slept in, started my day late, did laundry, talked about the errands I needed to run all day, finally went out to run the errands to find the verizon store in town no longer existed. I still managed to get coolant for the car. We arrived at the party around 8 or so and many people were leaving. Around 9:30 when there was only a small handful of good friends left we broke out in dance! As was noted by Bill that's always the best part of the night. The spontaneous last dance of the evening. We all helped clean up, and we were on our way out well before I needed to leave for work. I was early and had time to change and dilly dally. I enjoyed my graveyard shift immensely, getting to watch 2 movies. Alice in Wonderland was excellent! Kick Ass was not what I was expecting but good in its own right.
Sun 15 I came in and had a few hours before the best meeting in the world. By the end of the meeting I was having troubles staying awake and was grateful that she knows how to drive stick, she drove home while I rested in a rather uncomfortable position for my neck, but it was much needed. There were people over when we got in and being tired, pmsy, and not in my best spiritual place humility was lacking and my mouth could not stay shut. I would like to learn how to practice these principles in my weakest states. I cried for an hour before crashing from sheer exhaustion and heightened emotion and slept all day. I awoke thinking that my alarm hadn't gone off yet and I must still need to sleep more only to discover that I had never turned it on after setting it, but managed to wake up when I needed to anyway. I'm not quite sure how that works but it did. I prepared for another day on grave! Movie, and laptop in hand. I was having a hard time shaking the feelings, but enjoyed my movie and quiet night with a renewed sense of purpose as to where I want to be and what I need to do to get there.
Mon 16 I was pulled over on the way back to the house and received a ticket for speeding, which I still am having a hard time believing I was going the speed the officer stated given all the factors involved, and a ticket for my expired registration which I was/am taking care of this trip back to Cali. I was issued a court day, hooray, and I'm hoping given all the circumstances the ticket will be dismissed. If not I will pay it and swallow my ego and practice my humility. Given the length of time spent pulled over I got in later than I wanted and didn't get to bed till quarter to 9. Having taken only 2 of the grave days, I still had to work my swing shift today and Tuesday-prior to my Wednesday vaca back to Cali via Vegas! I was surprisingly un-tired when I awoke 15 minutes b4 my alarm went off and slightly before she came in because I am normally up earlier for my swing shift, but I had decided not to shower because I had done nothing else the night before. It was sweet and as I managed to run late in spite of it, I still got to work on time. Work was a blast this particular shift given the 2 others were in a particular jokular mood. I was tired, and went to the grocery store on the way back to get a few things for the next couple of days and my trip. I ate a delicious microwave Thai dinner of curry basil rice noodles, watched some disney, fell asleep for a bit on the sofa in an obviously odd position waking achey and wanting to go to bed. Once I washed my face, however I was awake and have spent the morning online with no apparent focus today. Now I am tired and going to sleep not looking forward to the now 5 hours I will be getting. Hopefully when I come in from work tonight I will be very tired, so I will sleep and awake refreshed and ready to go on Wednesday! Vacation here I come, I am soooooooooo ready!
Sat 14 In an awesome chain of events that had me working graveyard, I was able to attend Bill's graduation party. I slept in, started my day late, did laundry, talked about the errands I needed to run all day, finally went out to run the errands to find the verizon store in town no longer existed. I still managed to get coolant for the car. We arrived at the party around 8 or so and many people were leaving. Around 9:30 when there was only a small handful of good friends left we broke out in dance! As was noted by Bill that's always the best part of the night. The spontaneous last dance of the evening. We all helped clean up, and we were on our way out well before I needed to leave for work. I was early and had time to change and dilly dally. I enjoyed my graveyard shift immensely, getting to watch 2 movies. Alice in Wonderland was excellent! Kick Ass was not what I was expecting but good in its own right.
Sun 15 I came in and had a few hours before the best meeting in the world. By the end of the meeting I was having troubles staying awake and was grateful that she knows how to drive stick, she drove home while I rested in a rather uncomfortable position for my neck, but it was much needed. There were people over when we got in and being tired, pmsy, and not in my best spiritual place humility was lacking and my mouth could not stay shut. I would like to learn how to practice these principles in my weakest states. I cried for an hour before crashing from sheer exhaustion and heightened emotion and slept all day. I awoke thinking that my alarm hadn't gone off yet and I must still need to sleep more only to discover that I had never turned it on after setting it, but managed to wake up when I needed to anyway. I'm not quite sure how that works but it did. I prepared for another day on grave! Movie, and laptop in hand. I was having a hard time shaking the feelings, but enjoyed my movie and quiet night with a renewed sense of purpose as to where I want to be and what I need to do to get there.
Mon 16 I was pulled over on the way back to the house and received a ticket for speeding, which I still am having a hard time believing I was going the speed the officer stated given all the factors involved, and a ticket for my expired registration which I was/am taking care of this trip back to Cali. I was issued a court day, hooray, and I'm hoping given all the circumstances the ticket will be dismissed. If not I will pay it and swallow my ego and practice my humility. Given the length of time spent pulled over I got in later than I wanted and didn't get to bed till quarter to 9. Having taken only 2 of the grave days, I still had to work my swing shift today and Tuesday-prior to my Wednesday vaca back to Cali via Vegas! I was surprisingly un-tired when I awoke 15 minutes b4 my alarm went off and slightly before she came in because I am normally up earlier for my swing shift, but I had decided not to shower because I had done nothing else the night before. It was sweet and as I managed to run late in spite of it, I still got to work on time. Work was a blast this particular shift given the 2 others were in a particular jokular mood. I was tired, and went to the grocery store on the way back to get a few things for the next couple of days and my trip. I ate a delicious microwave Thai dinner of curry basil rice noodles, watched some disney, fell asleep for a bit on the sofa in an obviously odd position waking achey and wanting to go to bed. Once I washed my face, however I was awake and have spent the morning online with no apparent focus today. Now I am tired and going to sleep not looking forward to the now 5 hours I will be getting. Hopefully when I come in from work tonight I will be very tired, so I will sleep and awake refreshed and ready to go on Wednesday! Vacation here I come, I am soooooooooo ready!
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